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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28065681">Worth the Fight</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloomingintheshadows/pseuds/bloomingintheshadows'>bloomingintheshadows</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Canon Compliant, First Kiss, Fix-It, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Slow Burn, Stucky endgame, Time Travel, Tired Soldiers, the slowest burn that has burned</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 16:53:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>20,342</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28065681</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloomingintheshadows/pseuds/bloomingintheshadows</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It takes three years before the all consuming pain goes away, and Bucky stops feeling like his world caved in when Steve returned to 1949. Clearly, the end of the line was a lot closer than Bucky thought, and the man he loved did not love him back. But he never forgets the way he loved Steve. You can't undo a love like that.<br/>
</p>
<p>But maybe Bucky's love wasn't as unrequited as he once believed. Maybe what he thought was the end of the line was only the beginning.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>59</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Part I: Falcon and the Winter Soldier</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I promise I did actually write a Steve/Bucky fic, but I kind of accidentally wrote the Falcon and the Winter Soldier. I deeply desire for my fics to be canon compliant so I kind of went overboard making up a whole giant set up. If you are looking for a pure Steve/Bucky, you'll need to wait a few weeks.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They talk about it before; only in vague terms, but Bucky has known Steve his whole life. Maybe war has altered them, made them rougher around the edges, but nothing can undo decades of friendship. 
</p>
<p>
  <em> “Those five years...Tony made a family.”
</em></p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And it’s hard for Bucky to comprehend that it’s been five years for Steve. It’s like he’s blinked and missed an entire lifetime. It reminds him of freezing. He’d close his eyes never knowing what he’d wake up to next time. </em>
</p>
<p>
    <em> “I just kept thinking, you know, about the life those people could have had...about how simpler life was before I went into the ice.” 
</em>
</p>
<p>
      <em> “When my memories started coming back, I thought about that too. Doesn’t seem fair that the universe picked us to fuck over.”
</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “Yea. I mean...you ever think about what would have happened if we just stayed in the past.”</em>

</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Steve stays long enough to make sure everyone is safe and that the world is on the way to rebuilding itself. It’s hard without Stark, and Bucky finds himself missing the guy even with the way they ended things. People need an Iron Man to look up to now, right when the chaos is threatening to swallow them all whole. 
</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Bucky doesn’t see Steve for a few days after Stark’s funeral. Steve disappears in the middle of the night, only leaving a brief note of when he will be back and telling them not to worry. Bucky doesn’t ask where he goes, and he tries to be okay that Steve is out of contact for over 72 hours. 
</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>When he comes back, Bucky almost thinks things are normal. They start working together to coordinate reunification efforts. Some people had moved on since the snap, and it was hard to make sure families could be put back together. Some people flung themselves on their not-so-deceased loved ones while others can’t seem to reconcile their past with their present. 
</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em> He and Steve start talking again - really talking - and for a little while, Bucky lets himself imagine that they’re going to have a future together. He hasn’t been in the modern world that long, but he knows that things have changed. 
</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>What Bucky felt for Steve in the 40’s won’t get him killed anymore. That deep-rooted desire to comb his fingers through Steve’s hair or hold him a little too close. That’s okay. Mostly. Maybe he hasn’t told Steve, and maybe he never will. Steve’s always been the brave one after all. But they’re both alive and that counts for a lot. 
 </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Then, Banner tells them how they have to put the stones back in the correct timelines. He would go himself but without Stark, he’s the only one who can operate the machine. Steve volunteers before Banner can even finish his sentence. 
</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>That’s when Bucky knows. He knows Steve’s not coming back. He’s pretty sure his whole heart fucking shatters right there on Stark’s lawn. Banner just shrugs and tells Steve to meet him after lunch to discuss the fine details. Steve turns to Sam for a moment, joking and smiling as if nothing’s wrong. It’s a cover so that Sam doesn’t see what Steve’s planning. Bucky’s so fucking angry that Sam doesn’t see right through it.   
</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Bucky turns towards the lake where they sent Stark off with flowers and wreaths. Steve’s used to his quiet brooding now, and he knows when not to disturb him. Bucky doesn’t want to look at him. Because if he looks at Steve, all he’s going to here is that stupid voice telling him <em>till the end of the line. </em> Bucky guesses that this is the end of the line. This is where even Steve decides to leave him. It’s ironic in a way that makes Bucky’s stomach twist. 
</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>He looks at the lake and wonders what’s going to happen to him now that Steve’s gone. Realistically he knows Steve’s not gone yet-it will take a few weeks to get everything in order. And Steve’s not so cold hearted to leave the people he’s known for a decade without a word. But Bucky would rather accept that he’s gone now than try to hold on. It’ll only hurt that much more. 
</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p><hr/>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Bucky can tell Steve’s been itching to talk to him all day. He hasn’t been purposely avoiding Steve per-say (because he’s still a fucking idiot who just wants his soulmate to stay in the same dimension as him), but it hurts to look too long. Like looking at the sun. A stupid blonde sun.  
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>So he waits on the porch that night once everyone’s either asleep or slaving away over their next assignment. He knows Steve will find him. Because Steve always finds him. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“I need to tell you something, Buck,” Steve says as he sits on the bench. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“I know, Steve. I know.” 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“No, I’m-”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“I know you aren’t coming back. I get it. You’ve spent a decade fighting for the whole fucking universe. You deserve the chance to live your life away from the battlefield.”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Bucky knows Steve wants to look at him. He wants to look in his eyes and make sure that Bucky’s not lying. But Bucky isn’t going to look at him because if he looks, he’s going to break. He’s  going to end up screaming at Steve on this porch about how it’s not fair he’s leaving now when they finally get to see each other without the whole fucking world collapsing. He’s going to yell that he didn’t choose to leave Steve for five years-Thanos literally had to rip him away- and now Steve is choosing to leave him forever. So, he doesn’t look. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“I’m just so tired, Buck. Those five years, hell, even the five before. I never felt like I belonged here.”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“I get it.” 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Bucky really fucking doesn’t. His memories have been turned into scrambled eggs over the years, and while Shuri gave most of them back to him, home has never been a time period. Once he could piece together the memories of  his life before the war,  he spent a lot of time missing it. But not because he missed going hungry or worrying that Steve might literally die from an asthma attack. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>He missed it because he missed Steve. He missed when it was just them. And it took him a long fucking time to accept what he felt, but once he knew he loved Steve, he spent a lot of time wishing he could go back and tell him. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Clearly, Steve did not feel the same way.  
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“We looked through the Winter Soldier's file. I know where they kept you in the forties.”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“Don’t even think about it, Steve. The...wizard or whatever said we had a one in fourteen billion chance at stopping Thanos. We don’t know what would happen if you pulled me away. That timeline deserves it’s shot at survival.” 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“I’ve thought it through-” 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“Steve. If you go back, you have to let the world take care of itself. You can’t save everyone.”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Steve takes a deep breath. “I know.” 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>And that. <em>That</em> really fucking hurts. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“God this feels so fucking unfair.” 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p><em>Yea, it really is. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“I’m going to be okay, Steve. I promise.”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>He knows that’s what Steve needs to hear. He knows Steve’s not trying to be selfish. And for fuck’s sake, if anyone deserves their chance at peace, it’s Steve. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Bucky knows how hard the modern world was for him. They talked about in Wakanda when Steve would stay with him between missions. Bucky could see how hard it was for him to leave the little bubble they made on Bucky’s goat farm. Steve would smile and laugh just like the Steve from the 1940’s. He didn’t look like Captain America. He was just Steve.
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Steve needs that again. Steve needs his peace. Bucky can see that now. It fucking hurts, but Steve has spent the last years of his life making sure Bucky got his second chance in this life. Now it’s Bucky’s turn. And if that means Steve goes back almost a hundred years than that’s okay. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“Shuri says my brain is stable now, so there’s no worries that I’m going to snap. Sam and I will find a way to keep busy.”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>He means every word he says. Because that’s what you do when you love someone. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“I’m going to miss you, Buck.” 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“Me too, Steve. Me too.” 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Bucky expects that will be the end of it. Steve will pat him on the shoulder, and they will go their separate ways. Or maybe they’ll just sit here while Bucky relishes in his last moments with his best friend, thinking about the time he thought he had. He didn’t think the end of the line would be here. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>He stares out at the darkness, listening to the steady in and out of Steve’s breathe. He counts how long it takes for him to exhale, wanting to ingrain that sound is mind. Soon, the sound of Steve’s breathing, the color of his eyes, will only live in his memory. And he doesn’t want to ever forget. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Pepper eventually steps onto the porch, her gentle smile inviting them inside. When neither of them move, she dims the porch light and leaves. Bucky briefly wonders how she can possibly be functioning when her husband just died defending the earth from a genocidal maniac. He guesses that if Pepper can hold it together, so can he. After all, it’s not like Steve is dead. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Bucky counts to a hundred. Then three hundred. Then one thousand. After one thousand and one, Bucky forces himself to stand. He can’t sit here forever, hoping that his mere presence will be enough to convince Steve to stay. He needs to sleep. Maybe if he sleeps, he’ll...he doesn’t know. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p><hr/>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>He forces himself to watch Steve disappear.  He forces himself to watch Steve disappear because if he doesn’t, Bucky’s mind will convince himself that it never happened and that Steve is somehow still here. If he’s going to believe it, he’s going to have to shatter his heart.
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>And when Banner tells them that Steve missed his checkpoint, Bucky doesn’t even flinch. His world is crumbling beneath his feet, and he can’t let anyone know. He watches Banner’s confusion, and Sam’s sudden understanding as it occurs to him exactly what is happening. But Bucky’s had a lifetime of hiding. What’s one more time?
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p><hr/>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Sam sits on the bench with Steve for a while, too quiet for Bucky to make out any of their conversation. He doesn’t know why he stays, when all it’s doing is stomping on the remains of his emotions. The Steve sitting there has lived an entire lifetime without Bucky. He’s made other friends, gone out to movies with other people, maybe even had a normal job. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>But what hurts most of all is knowing that this Steve had fallen in love with someone else. Bucky wonders if he loves Peggy the way Bucky loves him. He wonders if Steve wakes up thinking about her, living for every moment that she smiles. He wonders if Steve used to watch her sleep and try to memorize her freckles and scars. He wonders if Peggy loved Steve like he would have; like he was the only thing that mattered in the entire universe. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Bucky’s  broken out of  his thoughts when Sam stands up, holding the shield like he’s slightly scared of it. He stops in front of Bucky, a hesitant smile on his lips. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Sam pats his shoulder. “Your turn.”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Sam steps past him, probably to explain to the rest of the Avengers that he’s now the new Captain America. Bucky feels a surge of anger, and nearly steps forward to yell and scream at Steve. But he’s a soldier, and he has better control of his emotions than that. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>He sits down calmly on the bench next to Steve. There’s a small leaf floating on the lake, and Bucky stares at it until his anger is nothing more than an uncomfortable itch in his stomach. Steve is quiet, and Bucky wishes he would say something. Anything. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>But all he gets is silence. Fucking silence. He doesn’t know what he was expecting; they’re well beyond the point of an apology. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>He looks over at Steve...or some form of Steve. Steve is smiling, looking content. And for a brief moment, Bucky feels nothing but joy for his best friend. Steve, who did everything in his power to throw himself into World War II, who sacrificed his friendship and defied the government to save Bucky. The Steve who held it together for five years to defeat Thanos and save the world. He deserved a quiet happy life. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Then the anger returns. The hurt. The pain. Everything he never got the chance to say. Suddenly, he doesn’t feel like this is Steve in front of him. He doesn’t know who it is. But it’s not the man he grew up with. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“Was it everything you wanted?” Bucky asks. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>“Yes.” 
</p>
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</p>
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<p>Bucky breathes. “Good.”
</p>
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</p>
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    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
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<p>Then, he stands and walks away. 
</p>
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</p>
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  </em>
</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>“Buck, hey-” 
</p>
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</p>
<p>
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    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>But Bucky keeps walking. Because if he stops walking, he’s going to cry ugly tears in front of everyone. It’s hitting him full force that Steve is gone forever. He doesn’t know how to process that the only person he’s ever loved chose to leave him. He doesn’t know how he got it all so wrong. 
</p>
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</p>
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<p>Sam tries to stop him once he realizes what’s happening. He steps directly in front of Bucky’s path and holds up his hand. 
</p>
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</p>
<p>
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    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>“Barnes, I think Steve’s still got something to say.”
</p>
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</p>
<p>
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    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>“Fuck off.”
</p>
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<p>Bucky gives him enough of a shove to let Sam know he’s serious and continues forward. He feels something wet rolling down his face, and he tries to scrub the tears away before anyone can see them. However, they just keep coming. 
</p>
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<p>He doesn’t remember getting in the car or driving down the highway. But he does remember pulling into the parking lot of an abandoned warehouse. He remembers breaking the lock and the door and the window and every piece of furniture he finds. He remembers collapsing against the wall and tucking his head in his legs. He doesn’t cry, but he sure as hell wants to.  
</p>
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<p>Later, he comes back to Stark’s house to find Sam and Steve having tea at Pepper’s kitchen table. He refuses to make eye contact with either of them and ducks upstairs to the temporary lodging Pepper had graciously provided them. He wants to pack all up all of this stuff, and retreat to some isolated apartment building or rural farmhouse. But the world is going to need them now-all of them, especially without Tony or Steve. And Bucky may not be able to do much, but he’s not going to fucking abandon them. They deserve more than that. 
</p>
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<p>Thirty-six days after Steve leaves, Fury announces that they have to destroy the time machine. Bucky wishes he was surprised. However, everyone recognizes it’s not safe to keep that kind of technology around. It’s only a matter of time before some version of Thanos or Red Skull sneaks in through another timeline. 
</p>
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</p>
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<p>They pack the time machine into the back of a semi truck with Rhodey and Lang in the driver’s compartment. Banner and Wanda hide away in the trailer, keeping a close eye on the cargo. Sam and Bucky drive ahead while Clint brings up the rear. They make it to an empty field in rural Kansas nearly nineteen hours later. 
	</p>
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<p>“Once I set up the bomb, everyone should stand behind Wanda. I’m not entirely sure what’s going to happen when we blow up a portal to another timeline,” Banner says. 
	</p>
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<p>Bucky watches them unload the time machine, and everything else time machine related that Pepper could find. His heart is hammering so loud in his ears that he can’t even hear anyone speaking. This is it. When Banner starts setting up the bomb, Bucky’s eyes start to prickle and his throat starts to close. He ducks his head so Sam won’t see that he’s a few seconds away from having a meltdown. 
	</p>
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<p>
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<p>Once Banner destroys the machine, there’s no way that Bucky can pretend this is some fucked of dream. After this, there’s no reality where his Steve magically steps through that portal and tells him this was all a mistake. After this, his Steve’s truly gone. 
	</p>
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<p>Before Bucky even realizes what he’s doing, he’s walking back towards the road. He can’t watch this. He’s not going to watch this. He’s not going to watch the foundation of his entire world blow up right before him. 
</p>
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<p>Lang tries to stop him, but Bucky’s in the car and barreling down the road before anyone can reach him. He drives forty minutes to the dingy little town they passed and parks behind a bar. For a while, he just sits in the driver’s seat, letting his eyes well up where no one can see him. 
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<p>From the passenger’s side window Bucky sees a thin tower of smoke. To most people, it would be invisible, but the Winter Soldier was trained to observe even the smallest disturbances. Bucky’s entire body fills with anger and he hits the steering wheel so hard it dents. He forces himself to get out of the car so he doesn’t continue to trash Sam’s vehicle. But he ends up kicking the closest trash can across the alley. He wants to go back to that night and tell Steve that it is not okay. It was never okay. It’s never going to be okay. 
</p>
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<p>Bucky leans against the wall, closes his eyes and counts to fifty. He’s not going to lose it. He’s going to hold it together. He’s going to hold it together because he doesn’t have any other options. Steve is gone, and he’s never coming back. And Bucky’s going to have to live with that. 
</p>
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<p>He hits the brick wall again for good measure, and the red stone crumbles beneath his metal fist. The rage is still boiling just underneath his skin, but the pressure has been alleviated slightly. He slicks back his hair, suddenly feeling like the tendrils are trying to smother him. 
</p>
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<p>Hydra was never interested enough in his personal hygiene to schedule regular haircuts. They only cut his hair when it became long enough to cause problems. With Steve gone, Bucky knows he’s let his haircare sink to the bottom of his priorities. 
</p>
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<p>Suddenly, though, his hair feels wrong. It feels like it belongs to someone else. This was the haircut of the Winter Soldier, of a Bucky Barnes who fought Thanos, a Bucky Barnes who was snapped. And if Bucky ever wants to move on from that life, he doesn’t think he can keep looking at this version of himself in the mirror. 
</p>
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<p>He could always cut it himself whenever they go home, but he has nothing to do until Sam inevitably comes looking for the car. So, Bucky brushes the remnants of stone from his arm and steps out of the alleyway. The universe must favor him that day because he catches sight of a barber shop a block away. 
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<p>A few of the paterons raise their eyebrows when they catch sight of Bucky’s arm, but he figures that he must be well known enough that nobody’s trying to shoot him. Bucky can’t bring himself to sit in the chair quite yet, but he must stare at it hard enough because the barber comes over to speak to him. 
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<p>“How much do you want to take off?” the barber asks. 
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<p>Bucky gulps, and finally forces himself to sit down. He almost wishes he had some sort of photo to show him, but that wouldn’t be right either. Bucky’s not the same man he was in 1940, and it would feel like a lie to pretend otherwise. But he’s not the Winter Soldier either. He’s somewhere in between. 
</p>
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<p>“Take off what you want,” Bucky grunts. 
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<p>The barber is clearly shocked and almost looks ready to argue with him. But he seems to decide arguing with the man with a metal arm is not a good course of action. 
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<p>The scissors dip close to his ears, and Bucky feels the metal of the chair bend beneath his fingers. The scissors stop until Bucky unclenches his hand. The pattern continues for thirty two minutes until Bucky hears a soft ting, signalling the scissors have been returned to their tray. He’s purposely kept his eyes away from the mirror.
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<p>At first glance, Bucky almost mistakes himself for 1940’s James Buchanan Barnes. But on closer inspection, Bucky can see the difference. His hair is longer in the front and not cleanly slicked back. It’s messy and shaggy. In an iry way, it almost reminds him of how he looked when Steve found him in Azzano. Bucky thinks it’s fitting. A mix of who he was before the war and who he is now. 
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<p>“Don’t worry about a charge. You folks have done enough for us.” 
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<p>Bucky nods and tries to smile gratefully. He leaves the store, running his trembling fingers through his short hair. He should go back to the car, but he stands on the edge of the curb, waiting for Sam or someone else to return. There’s no way he can safely drive them back. 
</p>
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<p>About twenty minutes later Bucky spots one of the cars slowly making its way down the street. It parks in front of him and the window slowly lowers to reveal Sam’s smug face. 
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<p>“Damn. Who knew there was an actual face underneath that mop. Barton found the car by the way. I should have your ass arrested for auto theft.”
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<p>Bucky flips his middle finger at Sam as he pulls the door open. He relaxes in the passenger seat and hopes his general demeanor tells Sam that he’s not up for talking. The drive is mostly quiet until Sam starts singing along to terrible pop songs. Bucky really wants to hit him, but that would probably be unproductive. 
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<p>He catches sight of himself in the rear-view mirror as they’re speeding down I-70, just as Sam starts humming again. Bucky wonders if Steve would have stayed if Bucky looked more like his best friend and not a murderer. 
</p>
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<p>“Steve and I are going to get together for Sunday football. You should come,” Sam says. 
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<p> Bucky tries to be polite. “No thanks.” 
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<p>Sam doesn’t say anything for a moment. Instead, he walks to the fridge and pulls out two beers. Like most of the Avengers, Bucky and Sam are holed up in Stark’s tower, still trying to act like a beacon of stability until the world can get on its feet.  Bucky hasn’t asked where New Steve lives, but he knows it’s in Brooklyn somewhere. That only makes him all the more anxious to leave. 
</p>
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<p>“You know, if you ever need to talk about...any of this shit. Steve, the war, anything. I’m here.” 
</p>
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<p>Bucky knows Sam’s trying to coax him to talk about New Steve. Sam had known from the moment Bucky left that bench that something was wrong. Undoubtingly, New Steve talks to Sam about Bucky, which only makes things worse. Sam’s been subtle about it. He casually invites Bucky to lunch when he knows New Steve will be there. He tries to plan group outings to baseball games or nature walks. However, Bucky’s not going to bite. 
</p>
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<p>He doesn’t know how he can explain to Sam that the Steve in this reality isn’t who Bucky grew up with. That Steve has lived an entire lifetime away from him. Worst of all, that Steve decided this is the end of the line. If Bucky saw him, he wouldn’t even know who he was looking at. 
	</p>
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<p>“Sam. I am asking you to drop it. Please.” 
	</p>
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<p>Sam looks at him, slightly confused. “Is this because Steve gave me the shield? Because I was just as surprised as you were-”
	</p>
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    <em></em>
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<p>“No, this has nothing to do with the shield. I don’t want to be Captain America. I can’t be the shiny hero the world wants. I’m glad he gave it to you.” 
	</p>
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</p>
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    <em></em>
  </em>
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<p>
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<p>“Then what’s the issue? I feel like I’m missing something here.” 
	</p>
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<p>“Me too,” Bucky murmurs. 
	</p>
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<p>Sam stares at him for a moment, probably hoping for some sort of elaboration. But Bucky stays quiet. 
	</p>
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    <em></em>
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<p>
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<p>“I just want to make sure you’re okay, man,” Sam says. 
	</p>
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    <em></em>
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<p>
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<p>“I’m fine. No need to worry about me.” 
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<p>
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<p>Bucky hopes that one day that’s true. 
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<p>For one reason or another, T’Challa lets Bucky become a permanent resident of Wakanda. Once the world governments recover from the massive population influx, Bucky feels the need to escape from civilization.  He lives in a small house just outside the city, surrounded by nothing but trees and rocks. He has a spare bedroom, and a comfy living room with a large TV. 
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<p>On the days he’s not with Sam, he treks into the city to see Shuri. She’s still trying to put his brain back together, but sometimes they just hang out and talk. She shows Bucky her latest technology, and he charms her with stories from 1940’s Brooklyn. It’s not much, but it’s been a long time since Bucky’s had a friend.  
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<p> He retreats to his little home as often as possible. Shuri (unofficially) loaned him a small jet that allows him to swing back and forth with relative ease. He goes to New York sometimes to check in with the others, but there’s nothing much left for him there now; Natasha is dead, Tony is dead, Steve is...New Steve. But Sam alternates between living in New York and Wakanda, so Bucky settles for his company when he stops by. 
 </p>
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<p> Over time he starts to fill his home with trinkets from around the globe. The village children gave him a small wooden goat that he keeps on the counter, and he has a keychain from the Bahamas on his lamp. And if he still has a drawer full of Steve’s clothes that he wears sometimes, nobody needs to know.
</p>
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<p>What Bucky quickly learns is that Sam is a good Captain America. Like a really fucking good one. Sam still looks at the shield as though he’s not worthy of carrying it. It’s taken more than one long discussion with New Steve for Sam to carry the shield like it’s his own. Bucky understands, because how could anyone ever compare to Steve. But Sam carries it better than anyone else ever could. Not that he’d ever tell him. So, when Sam picks up the shield for the first time, Bucky’s right there next to him. 
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<p>It’s better for Sam, anyways, to train with a super soldier. While Sam may have fought alongside the Avengers, it’s an entirely different ballgame when you’re the one in charge. Neither one of them have the luxury of Steve to cover their asses anymore, and Sam’s hand to hand combat needs work. 
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<p>Sam has a small house in the New York countryside. From the front, it looks normal; nice red brick and a flower bed up against the windows. However, the backyard looks like something out of a military camp. 
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<p>Bucky goes back to Wakanda often, so that he and New Steve never have to cross paths. New Steve comes over a few times a week, no doubt so that he and Sam can have deep philosophical discussions about what it truly means to be Captain America. They might even have tea. Bucky doesn’t know, and he doesn’t fucking want to know. 
</p>
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<p>Sam has been training hard for three months, though, and it’s starting to show. It’s a lot harder for Bucky to pin him even without the suit. And now he actually has to pay attention or that shield will end up smashing his head into the dirt. 
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<p>Today is one of <em> those</em> days though. Bucky had arrived to find Sam walking circles in the backyard, gently twirling the shield in his hands. Bucky could tease him about using an iconic weapon as a batton, but he doesn’t. The days like today are when the full gravity of filling in Steve Roger’s shoes hits Sam. Bucky can’t imagine that kind of pressure. 
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<p>“What are you doing here, Barnes? You aren’t required to dutifully follow whoever has the shield into war. You could retire, take up goat farming again.” 
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<p>“Then who’s going to babysit you? You can barely throw that thing without decapitating yourself.” 
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<p>Sam chuckles and stares back down at the red star. Bucky shrugs his shoulders. He should say something sincere. 
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<p>“We all saw how well retirement worked for me last time. Doing...this stuff. Maybe that’s just what I’m meant to do.”
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<p>Sam looks up, and Bucky knows he wants to say something. Sam always looks like he wants to psychoanalyze him but is too scared to say anything. Bucky hopes he never does because he knows what Sam will find. He’s not ashamed of the Winter Soldier or even scared that some part of Him remains. Bucky knows he’s always going to have that part of him. But his time on the goat farm taught him to control it, to mold himself into a person he was now. 
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<p>No. He was scared that if Sam looked too deep, he’d find out that Bucky was nothing more than a man who’s entire universe revolved around his best friend who didn’t even love him back. He didn’t need Sam to look at him and know how pathetic that was. 
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<p>“Are you just going to stare at it all day? It won’t bite,” Bucky says. 
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<p>Sam looks up and makes a face. Then he turns and sends the shield careening into the nearest tree. The loud thunk echoes throughout the yard, 
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<p>“Can’t even take down the common pine tree.” 
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<p>Bucky only has a moment to react as a flash of red and blue flies towards him. He catches the shield with his metal arm, secretly proud that it nearly grazes his cheek. Sam smirks, and Bucky tosses the shield back to him. 
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<p>“Well, listen man. Don’t let it go to your head, but I’m glad to have you with me,” Sam says. 
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<p>Sam holds out his arm, palm open, waiting for Bucky to take it. For a moment, Bucky feels frozen. It’s an act of openness and trust that he isn’t sure he deserves. But he’d really like to. 
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<p>Bucky reaches out tentatively. He just grazes against Sam’s palm when Sam firmly grabs his hand, pulling his arm close. Bucky grips back tightly, smiling at Sam. Steve might be gone, but Bucky thinks that he could get used to having a team again; to having a purpose. 
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<p>“Now, you said you were going to kick my ass at one on one. Let’s see if you’ve still got it in you, old man.” 
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<p>There’s more enemies...because of course there is. Thanos may have been destroyed, but there’s always evil waiting to come out of the woodwork. Some of it comes from Earth, and some of it doesn’t. Bucky thinks he liked it better when all he had to deal with were Earth’s mightiest villains. 
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<p>The first time Fury asks them to take out a Hydra cell, Sam’s eyes nearly bulge out of his head. He stares at the shield for almost an hour before Bucky starts to worry he’s having a stroke. <em> It’s different when I actually have to go out there</em>, he says. But as soon as they’re on the ground, Sam charges into battle, focused and skillful. 
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<p>They go wherever they’re needed, from New York to India. Occasionally, Banner or Clint will join them on a mission, but mostly it’s just them. Every once in a while, Fury will reach out to them for help with a more delicate matter. But they both prefer to keep their distance from government organizations. Too many bad memories. 
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<p>To Sam’s credit, he stops trying to pry into Bucky’s personal life. He asks questions, just like any friend would, but he knows when to stop asking. And most importantly, he knows to never ask about Steve. Bucky wonders occasionally if Sam knows and is just too polite to say anything. He really hopes not. 
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<p>“I see two Hydra soldiers near the east door. Probably another five or six near the main entrance. Do you think you can hold them off while I blow the door?” Sam asks. 
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<p>Bucky nods, looking down at the warehouse in front of them. The surrounding buildings are empty, but twenty feet below ground, there’s enough explosives to take out all of New York City. Bucky settles his finger on the trigger, ready to fire as soon as Sam gives the word. 
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<p>Steve had gagged most of the remaining Hydra bases, but Hydra is an organization that will never die. Maybe it will change names and leaders and countries, but it’s twisted ideology will exist as long as humans roam the earth. 
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<p>“On my count. One...Two. Three.” 
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<p>Sam and Bucky descend on the base, taking the Hydra guards by surprise. Bucky finds it’s all too easy to lose himself in punching some asshole than focus on how empty his chest feels. He needs something, anything, to occupy his mind besides how Steve <em>left</em> him here. Left him alone. And he’s never coming home. 
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<p>With Shuri’s help, Bucky’s memories turn into more than just blurry images. Mostly everything from highschool and beyond is pretty solid even if his childhood is still patchy. However, Fury willingly hands over the S.H.I.E.L.D files on his early childhood to help fill in the gaps. 
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<p>Most of the details about Hydra are gone. Bucky didn’t feel like he deserved to lose them, as though he could pretend he wasn’t the one who slaughtered hundreds of innocent people. But Shuri had put her foot down. She wanted as few risks as possible, and the more violent memories lingering in Bucky’s head, the greater chance something would go wrong. He had refused to let her erase them all. If he thinks really hard, he remembers faces that begged him for mercy  He wants to remember that no matter how hard he tries, his hands will never be clean. 
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<p> However, everything involving Steve is crystal clear, as though he’d spent time memorizing every little detail about him. On some nights, Bucky swears he can still smell Steve’s scent on his clothes even though it’s long since faded. And if he pictures Steve’s face, he still knows every freckle and every scar. 
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<p>But it’s been six months since Steve left, and Bucky’s proud to say that he’s starting to move on. He’s started reading whatever books he can get his hands on, and Sam’s trying to introduce him to various movies or tv shows. 
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<p>Currently, they’re holed up at a small motel in eastern Russia. Fury had called them to let them know some alien lifeform had crashed nearby and were slowly amassing some sort of army. Banner and Lang were flying out to help and would arrive in the morning. If they catch the assholes early enough, they could prevent this from turning into something a lot bigger. 
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<p>Sam had put the sixth Star Wars movie on the crappy television and was shoving popcorn down his throat. Bucky’s not paying that much attention to the movie, but the background noise is comforting. 
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<p>“You should talk to Steve. He’s been asking about you,” Sam says. 
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<p>Bucky still hasn’t been to see New Steve, and he prefers it that way. Somehow, New Steve has Bucky’s phone number, and he texts Bucky every couple of weeks. It’s usually little things like comments on the weather or current events in Brooklyn. Bucky never responds. 
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<p>“Leave it alone, Sam.” 
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<p>“Did I miss something? What happened to that ‘inseparable on both schoolyard and battlefield’ crap?”
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<p>“Leave. It.” 
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<p> “Look. I don’t know what shit went down before Steve left. But that man did not beat the shit out of Tony Stark just so you could ignore his phone calls.” 
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<p>Bucky sighs because he doesn’t want to argue with Sam. He knows Sam means well, but Bucky really can’t think about New Steve. It’s easier to imagine that Steve is gone, away with Peggy in another timeline. Not living in New York, probably going over to his grandchildren’s house for Sunday dinner. Bucky can’t deal with that. Bucky can’t deal with seeing the life Steve made away from him. 
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<p>”It’s complicated. Like really fucking complicated.” 
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<p>”It’s really not.” 
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<p> Bucky takes great joy in spilling Sam’s entire bucket of popcorn all over the floor. 
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<p>“Sergeant Barnes! I did not expect you would be back so soon.”
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<p>Bucky smiles as he steps into Shuri’s lab. During the day, the whole place is filled with scientists and engineers, all working on technology Bucky will never understand. But, at this time of night, Shuri’s the only person left in the building. Bucky prefers it that way. People are not his strong suit. 
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<p>“Turns out that missions go a lot faster when the Hulk is on your side.” 
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<p>Shuri grins. “And how was your arm?” 
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<p> “Works great” 
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<p>”I’ve made a few upgrades based on our last session. I think you’ll like it.” 
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<p>Bucky takes a seat and holds his arm out for Shuri to examine. When Steve pulled him from Hydra’s grasp,  his arm only reminded him of the pain and destruction he’d caused. He felt like he couldn’t be trusted to have two arms; like he’d snap at any moment. 
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<p>However, his new arm is soft in ways that Hydra never could have fathomed. His shoulder doesn’t ache where metal touches flesh, and Bucky can grip someone’s hand without worrying if  he’ll crush the bones. Shuri managed to create a few synthetic nerves, so Bucky can feel sensations like heat. She’ll probably never be able to repair everything, but this is enough for Bucky. 
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<p>Shuri detaches his arm and sets it on a table. Bucky can’t see exactly what she’s doing, but he guesses that it doesn’t really matter anyways. 
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<p>Suddenly, his phone buzzes. Bucky doesn’t want to look down because there’s only two options. Either Sam is texting him with an impending alien invasion or it’s New Steve. Bucky would rather it be Sam. 
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<p><em>New Steve: There was a meteor shower tonight. The whole neighborhood went out to see it. </em>
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<p>Ignore. 
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<p>“I’ve spent some time working on a more complex nervous system. Your shoulder is extensively damaged, but there’s enough intact nerves for me to create some new pathways.”
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<p>Shuri is mostly talking to herself, so Bucky just sits and admires the lab. Shuri treats Bucky like a personal passion project. She’s made prosthetics before, but she seems determined to make Bucky’s arm as close to real flesh as possible. He doesn’t mind. The less his arm looks like the metal hunk Hydra gave him, the more he can convince himself he’s not the Winter Soldier anymore. 
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<p>Fifteen minutes later, Shuri reattaches his arm. Nothing feels different until Shuri turns his palm up and swipes her thumb across his wrist. The silver metals slowly fades to reveal flesh- or at least what looks like flesh. 
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<p>“I thought you might look suspicious walking around the city with a metal arm. You could turn it back of course, just press firmly on the wrist.”
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<p>Bucky slowly curls his fingers, closely watching the synthetic flesh. His knuckle wrinkle as he stretches, and his nails look so real that he almost forgets this arm could crush metal. Shuri’s grinning, but Bucky doesn’t know what to say to her. 
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<p>“Now for the best part. Take my hand.” 
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<p>Shuri holds her palm up, clearly expecting Bucky to take it. He wants to tell her that he doesn’t know how to hold something so delicate without feeling like he’ll crush it. He wants to say that no matter how soft Shuri makes his arm look, he’ll always use it to kill and destroy.
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<p>However, Shuri looks so hopeful and pure, as though she doesn’t care that Bucky spent seventy years murdering innocent people. So Bucky reaches out and grabs her. The explosion of sensations is something Bucky hasn’t felt in seventy years. Shuri’s flesh doesn’t quite feel right, but it’s so fucking close that Bucky doesn’t care. 
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<p>Mostly, her skin is so fucking soft. Bucky had forgotten what it was like to feel something that warm and smooth. He gently runs his thumb over Shur’s hand, reveling in the grooves and bumps. For the first time since nineteen forty-five, Bucky’s left arm doesn’t feel like a weapon ready to be deployed. 
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<p>“Your nerve damage has made things a little tricky, but I like a challenge. With a few more updates I think I’ll be able to correctly mimic pressure and temperature. Texture is a little more difficult, but we’ll get there.” 
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<p>Bucky nods. He wants to thank her, but no words can come close to how he feels. His throat closes up, and Bucky has to force himself to remain calm. But he looks at Shuri and smiles. He hopes that’s enough for her to understand.
</p>
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<p> Bucky goes outside more, mostly because Sam starts comparing him to a reclusive mountain troll. He goes on long walks through the Wakandan country-side or even short walks through New York city. He enjoys exploring the new modern world, learning about everything from the internet to cars. 
</p>
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<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>After they blew up the time machine, Sam gave Bucky a small black notebook. He didn’t have to explain what it was. Bucky recognized it from Steve’s backpack. Bucky starts from the top. 
</p>
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</p>
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<p>As the Winter Soldier, he had known about modern life as it pertained to war; ways to hurt, ways to kill. Going on the internet for mundane tasks like watching a movie or checking the news is something he’s learning to enjoy. He’s rather fond of Starbucks even though he’ll never admit it. 
</p>
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</p>
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  </em>
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<p>The barista at this particular Brooklyn coffee shop actually knows his name and order. She smiles at him like he’s a normal customer grabbing some coffee on his way to a nine to five. In reality, he and Sam are scheduled to fly to Europe tomorrow with T’Challa to deal with some superpowered teenager having a temper tantrum. 
</p>
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</p>
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<p>
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</p>
<p> “You should start dating,” Sam says. 
</p>
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</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p> Sam’s sitting across from him in a baseball cap and sunglasses. Bucky has to grip his cup of coffee to stop himself from lunging across the table. Why is Sam so irritating?
</p>
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</p>
<p>
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  </em>
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</p>
<p>“Maybe a girlfriend would make you more tolerable. You might even stand a fair chance now that your arm looks fleshy.”
</p>
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</p>
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<p>Bucky wishes they weren’t in a public setting so he could punch Sam in the face. Instead, he takes a sip of coffee and focuses on how it burns his tongue. Sam had gotten bolder lately, asking questions that Bucky has no intention of ever answering. Clearly, they’ve been spending too much time together. 
</p>
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</p>
<p>
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    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>”That blonde barista keeps looking over at you. Some girls go for that whole kicked puppy look.”
</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>Bucky’s going to kill him. 
</p>
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</p>
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  </em>
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<p>
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</p>
<p>“Our dating practices are a little different than a hundred years ago, but you could really play up the tortured backstory.”
</p>
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</p>
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<p>Slowly. Severe his limbs one by one. Clip his stupid little wings and drop him out of a plane.
</p>
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</p>
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</p>
<p>“I liked it better when we weren’t friends,” Bucky says. 
</p>
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</p>
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</p><hr/>
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</p>
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  </em>
</p>
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</p>
<p>Sharon Carter turns up on Sam’s doorstep at three am the morning after Bucky and Sam return from a mission. She sits on Sam’s couch while Bucky fixes them all a strong pot of coffee. Bucky’s still half asleep as she explains how she’s spent the last six years on the run from the government due to what happened with Steve and Tony. 
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<p>Then, the Snap happened and everyone who had wanted her dead was too preoccupied with trying to prevent the world from crumbling. Unofficially, she was reinstated as an agent a few months ago once Fury spoke to her. Now she’s leading a small unit dedicated to more clandestine operations, away from the bureaucracy and prying eyes. Bucky doesn’t know who she’s working with, but he gets the distinct sense it’s a mix of people S.H.I.E.L.D wouldn’t want to publicly associated with. 
</p>
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<p> He’s starting to doze off when Sam forcefully bumps his shoulder. Sharon starts pulling files from her bag, and Bucky realizes this isn’t a friendly house call. 
</p>
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</p>
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<p>“They’re calling themselves The Forgotten. We found them importing weapons and some of them are working to recruit super humans. I think that S.H.I.E.L.D knows they’re there, but everyone is so focused on putting the world back together that they don’t want to acknowledge a lot of it is still broken,” Sharon says. 
</p>
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<p>“Who are they? An offshoot of Hydra? Cause I don’t know how many more Nazi creeps I can deal with.” 
</p>
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<p>Sharon taps her cup. “No. They were people who were snapped.”
</p>
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<p>
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<p>That gets Bucky’s attention. Those are the people that Natasha and Tony died for. Those are the people that Steve risked his life for. He’s one of them. 
</p>
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</p>
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<p>“The people who were snapped? Shouldn’t they be happy to still be alive? I sure as hell didn’t enjoy being an intergalactic dust bunny,”  Sam says. 
</p>
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</p>
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    <em></em>
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<p>
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<p> “Some people don’t see it like that. When they came back, their families had moved on. Their relatives were dead or their loved ones didn’t want them anymore. Some of them lost everything, and they blame the Avengers for that.” 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>“The Avengers brought them back to life.”
</p>
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</p>
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    <em></em>
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<p>
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<p>“Not for five years.”
</p>
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<p>Bucky puts his head in his hands. He doesn’t want to deal with this. 
</p>
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</p>
<p>“S.H.I.E.L.D isn’t going to do anything about it. The Snap taught people that sometimes we don’t always win. There’s been a huge push to start recruiting and training more super humans, aliens, anyone who can protect us. Nobody wants to admit the next threat will be humans.”
</p>
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<p>Sharon slides a folder over to them, large red letters spelling out ‘Classified.” Bucky can’t bear to touch it, but Sam whips it open, oblivious to the war in his head. Bucky catches one look at the man in the photograph, neatly pinned to the left corner of the folder.
</p>
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<p>“His name is John Andrews. He’s a former MI5 agent whose wife remarried after the Snap. The government refused to reinstate him for any active duty due to concerns about his mental wellbeing. He dropped off the map shortly after, only to turn up in Russia when a shipment of long range missiles disappeared.”
</p>
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<p>Maybe it’s because Bucky knows what it’s like to have his whole life stolen from him. Maybe it’s because he knows what it was like to wake up from the Snap and have the person you love the most abandon you. Either way, when he looks at the man, he can only see himself. 
</p>
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</p>
<p>
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<p>
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<p>“Do we know where he is?” 
</p>
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<p>“No. But there’s only so many places someone can hide with those types of bombs. You need specialized storage and computer equipment to launch them. My team arrested a few of the members, but nobody’s talking.”
</p>
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</p>
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<p>
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<p>“Gotta love the loyalty.” 
</p>
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<p>“I hope you have some direction for us,” Bucky says, “The world is still pretty damn big.” 
</p>
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<p>“Andrews had some extended family in Romania, so we started there. We have a few dozen possible sites, and we find more every day.” 
</p>
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</p>
<p>
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    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>“So, you want us to just pick one and hope we get it right?”
</p>
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<p>Sharon sighs. “More or less. Look, I know it sounds like we’re chasing a needle in the haystack. But if we keep them on the move, they can’t launch a full scale attack.”
</p>
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<p>Bucky leans his head back on the couch. It’s going to be a long night.  
</p>
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</p><hr/>
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</p>
<p>
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<p><em>Not Steve: Do you remember the day we went to Coney Island, and it snowed? </em>
Ignore. 
</p>
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<p>On a quiet Tuesday morning, it hits Bucky that Steve’s been gone a year. The world stops for a moment, but restarts just as quickly. Bucky smiles when he realizes he’s still sitting on a bench in the middle of Central Park holding his coffee like nothing has changed. 
	</p>
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<p>Maybe it’s taken a little while, but Bucky no longer feels like his world is crumbling. He’s not drifting through the world, alone and reaching for the ghost of someone who’s a world away. It’s always going to hurt. A lot. Because Bucky loved Steve more than he’d ever loved another person. But he can’t live his life as a ghost. 
	</p>
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<p>Once his mind settles, he looks down at the folder in his hands. It’s another case from Sharon. Three weeks ago, they managed to find where the Forgotten has stashed the missles. Sam and Bucky had broken into the facility along with a few of Sharon’s teammates and disabled the missles. 
	</p>
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<p>They had hoped to take at least a few of the members alive for questioning. Bucky and Sam had cornered the technicians in the hallway while Sharon’s team disarmed the missles. But the little geeks’ eyes started to roll back, and one by one they dropped to the ground. Bucky finds the cyanide capsules when they move the bodies. 
	</p>
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<p>Sharon thinks she has a lead on the whereabouts of the core members, John Andrews included. Bucky and Sam are flying to Venezuela in three days to intercept a shipment of alien weapons. If they’re lucky, which they rarely are, they’ll get Andrews too. 
	</p>
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<p>The wind picks up suddenly, and Bucky pulls up the collar on his jacket. He tries not to focus on the fact it’s Steve’s jacket, but that’s hard when it’s a size too big. For all his shit about holding it together, Bucky thinks he’s just gotten a lot better at bottling it up. If he was okay then he would be able to talk to New Steve like a rational adult, and he would throw away that stash of Steve’s clothes that no longer even carry his soothing scent. 
</p>
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</p>
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<p>
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<p>But he doesn’t. Bucky doesn’t know what that says about him.
</p>
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<p>Two years after Steve leaves, Fury summons the Avengers 2.0. They have a fancier name now, but Bucky doesn’t bother learning it. Sharon’s team is the closest Bucky ever wants to get to a government organization. But Fury had sounded so urgent on the phone that they’d taken the first jet out of Wakanda. 
	</p>
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<p>The large conference room is filled with a lot of people Bucky recognizes but also a lot of people that he doesn’t. The little spider kid sits next to him, but the kid’s talking a mile a minute. Thankfully, the kid refocuses his attention when he realizes Bucky’s not paying attention. 
	</p>
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<p>Fury and Carol Danvers stand in front of them, looking solemn. Once Fury steps forward, the room falls into silence. Bucky imagines that this is what the first Avengers meeting must have looked like. 
	</p>
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<p>“We called you all in today to alert you to a potential threat to our planet. While we are safe now, it would be foolish to believe that will last forever. You all, whether you like it or not, are the next generation of earth’s defenders. And the day will come when we need you.” 
	</p>
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<p>Carol Danvers steps next to him, nodding at the crowd. Some of the young kids look excited, like being an Avenger is a great reward. Bucky wishes he could summon the same enthusiasm. 
	</p>
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<p>“There is something coming. Some of our friends in distant galaxies have reported an army overtaking smaller planets. It’s too far away for anyone to get a decent look at it, but it’s powerful,” Danvers says.  
	</p>
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<p>“Really informative,” Sam mumbles. 
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<p>Bucky’s bones start to feel heavier. He sinks into his chair, ignoring whatever else she says. It never fucking ends. If he and Sam aren’t fighting some psycho from earth, there’s an alien invasion. Bucky just wants a rest.
	</p>
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<p>“Whatever this is won’t attack tomorrow or next week or even next year. But it’s coming, and if you can’t deal with that then you should leave this room now,” Fury says. 
	</p>
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<p>Nobody leaves. Maybe Fury continues talking, but Bucky is focusing on the small crack in the window seal.  These days, he feels like there’s lead in his bones. Even when he sleeps well and eats right, Bucky can’t summon the energy to feel much anymore. He just wants everything to go back to the way it was before the war - and he doesn’t mean any war in the 21st century. 
	</p>
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<p>Danvers talks more about this alien threat, but Bucky’s not really listening. The simple fact is that they don’t really know that much, and Bucky doesn’t have the energy to worry about an alien attack that might never come. Given that he and Sam spend most of their time dodging bullets, he could be dead by then. 
	</p>
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<p>
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<p>Instead, Bucky thinks about the goat farm. He thinks about the village children who used to study him from afar until one of them got brave enough to ask why he only had one arm. He thinks about watching the sunset while the goats bedded down for the night. 
</p>
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<p>
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<p>Then, he thinks about Steve. Steve had started crashing at Bucky’s when he and Nat weren’t on a mission. Sometimes Nat would join him too, and the three of them would sit around the fire telling war stories. It felt nice to have something so normal, so easy. He knew that couldn’t last forever, but he never imagined it would go up in flames like it did. 
</p>
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</p>
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<p>
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<p>“We’ll try to keep you informed as we learn more information. In the meantime, time to recruit and train who you can. The more power we have, the better off we are.”
</p>
<p>
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</p>
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    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
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<p>Even Bucky knows that what Danvers wants to say is ‘Find as many people as you can so that half of the universe doesn’t die again.” 
</p>
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</p>
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</p>
<p>
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<p>Bucky stays seated even as the other people start to filter out of the room. Sam looks almost as defeated as Bucky feels. He wonders if Sam is thinking about all the people they saw die last time.  
</p>
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</p>
<p>
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    <em></em>
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</p>
<p>
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<p>“I guess it was too much to hope that the aliens would just leave us alone,” Sam says. 
</p>
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</p>
<p>
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  </em>
</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>“Yea. I guess so.”
</p>
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<p>A few weeks after the meeting, Bucky packs a cooler with beer and sandwiches and leaves Sam’s apartment at four in the morning. He turns the radio to a relaxing jazz station and taps on the steering wheel as he leaves the city. By the time he reaches his destination, the morning sun is just starting to rise. 
</p>
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<p>Technically, Natasha’s body will forever remain on Vorimir. However, her name is carved in large cursive letters on the war memorial in New York, and Banner campaigned to have a park dedicated in her honor. She may not physically be on earth, but she will always be remembered by those she saved. 
</p>
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</p>
<p>He parks the car where the dirt road ends and carries his cooler through the meadow. It’s spring now so the flowers are starting to bloom, and Bucky takes great care not to step on any of them. He only has to walk for a few minutes before he spots the sprawling tree. The branches have grown so large that they’ve curled over so they touch the ground, and the trunk is probably larger than the Hulk. 
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<p>Natasha’s gravestone rests at the base of the tree, surrounded by a variety of bright trinkets. Some are from Clint and others are from Banner. Bucky doesn’t know what they are, and he doesn’t look. Only four people, himself included, know this place exists. And technically, Bucky only knows because he caught Clint and Banner talking about it.  It’s a place to honor their friend, their family member, far away from the public eye. 
</p>
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</p>
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<p>Bucky unscrews one of the beer caps and places it near the headstone. He hopes Natasha gets a kick out of it. 
</p>
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</p>
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<p>“I wish you were here, Nat. You would know what to do with the shitshow that is my life,” Bucky says as he sips from his beer. 
</p>
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<p>The tree is blooming now too. When Bucky tilts his head up, he can see the thousands of yellow blossoms blowing in the wind. He hopes she would have liked it here. 
</p>
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</p>
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<p>“It just never stops. Even when Sam and I go back home, I know we’re only waiting for another alarm to sound. Some nights I don’t even sleep because I’m just waiting for Sam to call or for an alien warship to fall through the sky.”
</p>
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</p>
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<p>He’s been having more of those nights lately, where he mistakes every scrape or crackle for threat. His body will throw him out of bed, and he’ll spend an hour standing at his door with his gun drawn, waiting for another monster. 
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</p>
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<p>“I can’t even just go back to the goat farm and block out the world. Sometime in the future the world will start ending again, and Shuri will show up with another metal arm, and I’ll be back here.” 
</p>
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<p>Bucky sighs and gulps down the rest of the beer. 
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<p>“Lang tried to retire last year. But as soon as there was an emergency, he was back on the frontlines, trying to direct all the new kids. And Sam...I still think he believes that one day he’s going to give me that dumb shield. There’s no escape for me.” 
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<p>It feels good to say it out loud where there’s nobody to judge him or ask questions. He trusts Sam, but there’s no one that would understand what he’s feeling. Not anymore anyways. Natasha wasn’t from the 1940’s, but she knew what it was like to be an eternal soldier. To have her life ripped away, trained to kill without question. With Steve gone, she’s the closest he’s got. 
</p>
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<p> Bucky knows he’s alone. However, he can’t help but glance around just to make sure that nobody hears the next part. 
</p>
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</p>
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</p>
<p>“I think...I think I’m starting to understand why Steve left.”
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<p>His voice shakes as he confesses. He’s scared to admit that Steve wasn’t just a heartless ass who left Bucky behind for no good reason. The anger he’s held over Steve’s departure is the only thing getting him up in the morning sometimes. He’s scared to admit that it’s okay that Steve left. 
</p>
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<p>Bucky still can’t think about the day Steve stepped into the time machine without wanting to claw his own heart out. But, he’s stopped thinking that everything Steve told him was a lie. Now, he feels the weights in his bones, and he thinks that maybe Steve wasn’t wrong. 
</p>
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</p>
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<p>“When I wake up, I just want it to stop. I want to wake up knowing the world is going to keep turning without me having to gun down another human being. At this point, I’m going to die before I ever get a full night of good sleep.” 
</p>
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<p>A gentle breeze picks up, causing a few of the trinkets to jingle. Bucky wishes he could stay here forever, surrounded by nothing but open fields and flowers. It feels like nothing can touch him here. 
</p>
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<p>“I don’t know how Steve did this for five years. He must be a hell of a lot stronger than me.” 
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<p>Bucky’s been thinking more about those five years lately. He wishes he had been able to talk to Steve about them. He wishes he had told Steve how much he loved him. He doesn’t know if that would have made a difference, but he thinks it might. If Steve knew that he wasn’t alone, that Bucky wanted to give him all the love and affection he’d been deprived, he thinks Steve might have stayed. 
</p>
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<p>“Before the war, I used to imagine that Steve and I would have our own place. We’d get to wake up in bed together, and nobody would be lurking around to ask questions. It was a stupid idea, espically back then. But I could never imagine another future. I still can’t.”
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<p>He lies back in the warm embrace of soft green grass and stares at the clouds. If he closes his eyes, just for a moment, he can imagine that he’s back in the 1940’s. He can pretend he’s at the house he and Steve bought together and once he opens his eyes, Steve will be smiling at him. 
</p>
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</p>
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<p>
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</p>
<p>But then he opens his eyes, and he’s alone. 
</p>
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</p><hr/>
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<p>The Forgotten make their first and last stand on a cold night in October. The memorial statue of Tony Stark is blown to pieces, taking a handful of civilians with it. Bucky and Sam arrive at the scene just as another bomb sends shards of glass crashing down into the streets. Sharon is close behind them, trying to evacuate as many civilians as possible. 
</p>
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<p>“Do you see anyone? I don’t want to start firing randomly,” Sam says, pointing his gun forward. 
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<p>Bucky turns around slowly, eyeing the top of the nearby office buildings. He’s waiting for snipers or another bomb to explode. But all he hears is screams. 
</p>
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<p>“No. But watch the buildings. These guys want to make a statement.” 
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<p>They move against the swarms of fleeing civilians, trying to make it to the location of the first blast. Sharon tells them over the coms that there’s still a group of people trapped . She’s in one of the helicopters, circling the scene. Bucky 
</p>
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<p>“There’s a crowd of people stuck in the west courtyard. We can’t get a clear shot with so many civilians. Looks like they have somebody shooting lightning bolts from his hands.”
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<p>“Sam, I’m going to leave that one to you,” Bucky says. 
</p>
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<p>He and Sam slowly round the corner of a large brown building. They can see a large grassy area in the distance, where the remnants of Tony Stark’s statue are buried in the ground. Sam darts ahead to deal with lightning man, while Bucky focuses on the windows of the skyscrapers. 
</p>
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<p>He spots a flash of light on the top floor and fires without thinking twice. The flash disappears, and Bucky refocuses on the crowd of people. The Forgotten members are standing too close to the civilizations for him to have a clean shot, but Sam’s presence seems to have distracted them. 
</p>
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<p>Bucky sticks to the side of the building, trying not to draw attention to himself. He ducks behind a fallen concrete slab, peeking out to count the number of hostages. Sam has them distract, throwing around the shield like he’s some sort of action hero. 
</p>
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<p>Bucky aims the gun at the closest guard and pulls the trigger. <em>Pop</em>Two. <em>Pop</em> Three. <em>Pop</em>. Four. Nobody even notices until the fifth member drops to the ground. Then, the remaining gunman charges at him. Bucky almost feels bad for him as the blades pierce his skin. Almost. 
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<p>He manages to make his way to the dozen or so hostages, and slowly lead them to the S.H.I.E.L.D agents just around the corner. When he turns back, Sam is going head to head with John Andrews. Bucky guns down the last few members trying to join the fight. Sam looks like he’s got Andrews pinned, so Bucky double checks the building, firing again at another flashing light. 
</p>
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<p>Suddenly, Sam is on his back and the shield is nowhere in sight. Bucky doesn’t even think before he fires a bullet into Andrew’s shoulder. A moment later and he never would have had a clear shot with Sam struggling. Andrews must have been wearing some sort of vest because the bullet doesn’t seem to penetrate his skin. But the unexpected force causes him to lose his balance and gives Sam a brief moment to pin Andrews to the ground. Bucky rushes over to help, twisting Andrew’s arm just enough to cause a couple pops. 
</p>
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<p>“Is he the last one?” Sam gasps. 
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<p>“Think so. S.H.I.E.L.D has the next block covered.”
</p>
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</p>
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<p>“Good. I’m sick of chasing these assholes across the globe.”
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<p>They carefully maneuver Andrews onto his back, and Bucky radios for Sharon. Sam’s face is pretty cut up, and Bucky knows he’s going to need medical attention. He glances up, looking for any signs the fight isn’t over. But S.H.I.E.L.D agents are starting to flood into the area, and it quickly becomes apparent that the fight is over. Some of the Forgotten, the young ones mostly, start to put their hands up. They look scared, like they’ve finally realized this isn’t some sort of action movie. 
</p>
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<p>“God, I’m really going to need a break after this,” Sam says. 
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<p>Andrew’s starts to push back against them, and Bucky looks down. Only...there is white foam coming from Andrew’s mouth and his eyes are starting to glaze over. Sam starts trying to perform some form of CPR, but Bucky lets go. He already knows it’s too late. 
</p>
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<p>“Fuck.”
</p>
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</p><hr/>
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<p>
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<p>Nobody talks about what they do with the bodies. When it’s aliens, S.H.I.E.L.D can gather all the ooey gooey body parts and incinerate them without another thought. When it’s humans though...nobody prepared Bucky for that one. The local governments don’t want to deal with them because who knows what kind of radioactive alien slime they’re covered in. That leaves, as Bucky discovers, a team of S.H.I.E.L.D agents to seal the bodies into specially marked black bags. They do an autopsy, but it’s really more of a formality. Everyone saw Bucky crush their skulls or Sam throw them into a building. 
</p>
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<p>After Bucky’s been checked over by a medic, he makes the rounds to see if anybody still needs help. A few people were trapped in the building when the fighting started, and firefighters are still pulling survivors out of the rubble. Bucky finds himself lost in a maze of corporate offices until he stumbles upon what he assumes is meant to be an auditorium- or was at one point. 
</p>
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<p>Sharon is standing in the center of the room, whispering to a few S.H.I.E.L.D agents. The room is filled with body bags, innocent and guilty all wrapped together. Bucky takes a few steps forward and finds that Sharon is standing in front of John Andrew’s bloodied corpse. 
</p>
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<p>
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<p>Relatively speaking, his body is mostly intact. Bucky can still make out the v-shaped scar above his lip if he looks hard enough. His cheeks look hollowed out from whatever he swallowed, but otherwise he looks shockingly human. 
</p>
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</p>
<p>
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<p>“What are you going to do with him?”
</p>
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<p>Sharon turns around, nodding briefly at the young agent. She smiles at Bucky, a silent acknowledgement that they did well today. 
</p>
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<p>“He’s a human, so we wanted to give his family the opportunity to claim the body. We scanned it, and there’s nothing too unusual. Nothing about to explode,” Sharon explains. 
</p>
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<p>“Are they taking it?” Bucky asks. 
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<p>He doesn’t know why he asks. Maybe it’s leftover guilt from the fact he just killed this man. Or maybe he’s just bored. Sam is off somewhere, probably posing for a photo-op or rescuing a dog from the rubble. But Bucky doesn’t do photo-ops
</p>
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<p>“No. We called his ex-wife. Apparently, they had a daughter just before the Snap. All she’s ever known is the man her mother married six years ago. And she’d like to keep it that way.” 
</p>
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<p>Bucky will never say he empathizes with John Andrews or that he ever had a reason to terrorize innocent civilians still trying to put their lives back together. But it’s scary to think in another life, Andrews would probably be home with his daughter seeing her off to school. It just took one snap of the fingers to change everything; one moment. Part of Bucky understands him. 
</p>
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</p><hr/>
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    <em></em>
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<p>
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<p>“Zemo’s back,” Sam says, delicately like he’s talking to a child. 
</p>
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<p>Bucky wonders how long he’s been waiting to tell him this. 
</p>
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<p>“Sharon got a call from Ross a few weeks ago. He broke out of prison and nobody’s been able to find him. They think he was backing The Forgotten from prison, but...  whatever he’s working on can’t be good.”
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<p>Bucky sighs. Shuri helped him organize his memories from that time; the ones inside the Winter Soldiers head and ones inside his. But Zemo’s someone he’d rather forget about. All it does is remind him of the Steve who would have moved heaven and hell to bring Bucky back. The Steve who made him believe he was worth tearing apart the Avengers even when he knew he wasn’t. 
</p>
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</p>
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<p>“You’d think the guy would just give up. Thanos practically did his job for him. The original Avengers are gone now, and Stark is dead. What more does the man want?” 
</p>
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<p>“It’s not about the Avengers anymore. He’s been in prison for nearly a decade. He saw the world collapse, people riot, people suffer, and I’m sure he’s got someone new to blame for that. Probably wants revenge against the entire US government and us for what happened.” 
</p>
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<p>“Sharon thinks we should go after him. S.H.I.E.L.D has been trying to track him for a while, but they figured we’re better suited to find him. His last coordinates are on the border of Belarus and Russia.” 
</p>
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<p>Bucky kicks at a stone. 
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<p>“So, what do you say Buck-aroo? Want to go kick some Zemo butt?” 
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<p>Sam’s trying to sound excited like this is any other mission. Like Sam didn’t watch Zemo destroy the Avengers as Bucky flipped between Steve’s old friend and deadly assassin. Bucky nods. Now that those trigger words are out of his head, he has to deal with Zemo once and for all. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“I have to do this one on my own. Zemo is my fight.” 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“Hell no. You are not going out there on your own.” 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“Sam,” Bucky warns. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“No. You’re not going after a psycho terrorist by yourself. That’s not how this team works. No man gets left behind.” 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“Sam. You’re one of the only people who remembers what it was like when Zemo.... Shuri’s gotten rid of the words, but you and I both know what he’s capable of. I don’t want to risk anything happening to you.”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“We’re partners, Barnes. We do this shit together.” 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Bucky shakes his head. Not this time. Zemo loves mind games; his whole plan to bring down the Avengers was designed to make them suffer. Zemo’s had years to plot and scheme, and Bucky’s not risking it. The world can live without him, but it cannot live without Sam. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“If I get in trouble, I’ll call you.”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“Buck-”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“No, Sam. You have other things to figure out, other battles to fight. Zemo doesn’t want you. Or maybe he does - I don’t even know if it matters. But this...I want to do this. Alone. Zemo doesn’t get to have a team of superheroes chasing after him - he’s not important enough for that.”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“I’m-”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“No.”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“I swear Bucky-”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“No,”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“Ju-”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“No.”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Sam rolls his eyes, but Bucky knows he’s won. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p><hr/>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Tracking Zemo is both easier and harder than Bucky expects. At his core, Zemo is predictable. At this point, Bucky suspects he’s too blinded by ambition and hatred to come up with the kind of plans that broke up the Avengers. However, Zemo is smart and that counts for a lot. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Bucky almost nabs him in Bulgaria where Zemo has been trying to recruit other superhumans. Bucky is moments from reaching him when Zemo ducks out a trap door, and Bucky is nearly decapitated by a bomb. He calls Sam after that to let him know he’s still alive. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p> He almost catches him again in South America. Then again in France. And again in Spain. It’s a three month game of cat and mouse. Zemo moves, and Bucky moves to counteract him. Neither of them can ever truly get the upper hand, and by the end of three months, Bucky thinks he’s going to go crazy. He’s tempted to ask Sam and Sharon to join him just to see if the three of them can make any progress, but he holds back because he’s not giving Zemo any more ammo. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Eventually, he tracks Zemo to a public park in Italy. Bucky’s hesitant to even leave the parking lot when he notices the park is completely empty except for a lone figure by the lake. It has to be a trap. There’s a thousand places to hide a sniper or even a bomb. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Then Bucky’s phone buzzes. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p><em>Join me Sergeant Barnes. I won’t bite. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Bucky scowls at the device. He doesn’t enjoy that Zemo always seems to have eyes on him, but it makes him willing to set out of the car. If Zemo wanted him dead, Bucky would already have a bullet through his head. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>He makes his way towards Zemo with his gun drawn, ready to shoot if he so much as flinches. But Zemo is still, looking out at the lake wistfully. He stands behind him, unwilling to get too close. Bucky quickly scans the surroundings, but finds no other signs of life besides a bird on the far side of the lake.  
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“You’ve been a rather large thorn in my side, Sergeant Barnes.” 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“Sorry for interrupting your plans for global destruction.”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“You’re so crude. I’m much more artful now. I’ve had a lot of time to think about it, you know.”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Bucky raises the gun, aiming for Zemo’s shoulder. Zemo must have heard the click of the safety because he turns to Bucky. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“You aren’t going to kill me,” Zemo says, smiling. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“Are you sure about that?”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“You are so desperate to prove you are not the Winter’s Soldier. You won’t shoot me because that’s not something James Barnes would have done. He would take me to jail so <em>justice</em> can prevail. “
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Bucky’s finger hovers over the trigger. He wants to pull it. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Zemo holds out his wrists, carefully crossed over each other. He’s smirking, and Bucky has to count Zemo’s pearly white teeth to keep from blowing his head off. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“Take me away Sergeant Barnes. My plans are already in motion, and I’d rather spend my time in a comfy federal prison than running away from you.. You can’t keep me locked away forever. And when I’m free, everything the world knows will change, and there will be nothing you can do to stop it.” 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>For a moment, Bucky lowers the gun. His left hand starts to travel back to his phone to call S.H.I.E.L.D and let them know Zemo is in custody. But then he thinks about Tony and Steve, and all the people that Zemo will kill when there’s another Thanos to break him out of jail. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“You don’t know who I am.” 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Then, he pulls the trigger. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Zemo’s head falls back, a distinct red dot sending blood spattering into the air. Some of it lands on Bucky’s collar, and another little bit on the edge of his jaw. Most of it ends up pooling around Zemo’s head, staining the grass and seeping into the dirt. Bucky stands there for a while, just watching Zemo’s lifeless eyes glass over. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>He should feel guilty. He’s not the Winter Soldier anymore. He doesn’t just execute people like some sort of vigilante. After three years, he’s happy with whatever mix of Winter Soldier and James Buchanan Barnes he’s become. He never thought he’d murder someone again. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Yet, all he feels is relief. Zemo tried to destroy the Avengers, destroy him, destroy Steve. And if he brought him back Bucky would be setting into motion whatever fucked up plan Zemo had. He’d become complicit in another plan to wreak havoc on a planet that was still barely holding on; on people who just were starting to recover. He can live with Zemo’s death, he cannot live with that. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Eventually, he calls Sharon to let her know that he needs a S.H.I.E.L.D team to  come and clean up the body. Then, he calls Sam to let him know that Zemo is gone for good. He leaves out the part where he executed him - he figures they’ll discover that soon enough. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Bucky sits down on the ground and watches the cloud float by until his view is interrupted by the S.H.I.E.L.D helicopter. Sam is the first one off, and he pulls Bucky off the ground to give him a pat on the back. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“We were three days from coming to find you. No more hunting terrorists on your own, man.”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Bucky smiles a little, watching the S.H.I.E.L.D agents bag Zemo’s body. Nobody says anything, but he catches one of the rookie agents staring at him. Bucky doesn’t care what they think because he knows deep down they’re all relieved. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Sharon slides next to him as they load Zemo’s body into the cargo hold of a S.H.I.E.L.D jet. He figures she’s about to lecture him or maybe even arrest him. He’s not expecting the gentle touch on his elbow. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“We don’t know all the details, but it looks like his next plan was to slowly destroy every superhuman, mutant, anything slightly not human. We were all on his list. Pym and Shuri too. He was counting on us forgetting about him in prison, so we wouldn’t be able to connect the dots or realize he was giving orders.”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“T’Challa stopped him from killing himself once. Now, he doesn’t have to live with the consequences. Maybe I just gave him what he wanted.”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“No, Sergeant Barnes I don’t think you did. I think you surprised him.”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“It wasn’t the right call.”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“Maybe, maybe not. But a lot of people are going to live because of it.”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>S.H.I.E.L.D offers Sam and Bucky a ride back to the states, which he gratefully accepts. They transfer from the helicopter to a small jet a few hours later. Zemo’s body is loaded into the belly of the plane while Sam, Bucky, and Sharon are crammed into the front. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Zemo’s blood is still on his face. Sam hasn’t noticed it, but Bucky feels it clinging to his skin like a burning acid. He’s just so fucking tired. First it was the Forgotten, then it was Zemo, and next week it’ll probably be another purple space alien bent on destruction. He just wants to close his eyes, and wake up in a warm bed without wondering if the world is going to end.
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>He wants that small apartment in Brooklyn he used to share with Steve, filled with Steve’s art supplies and whatever random crap they found to decorate. He misses the nights when he and Steve had to share the same stupid bed cause Bucky was so worried his lungs were going to give out. He used to count Steve’s freckles and trace down his spine when Steve was sound asleep. Bucky could still see them all now if he closes his eyes. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“How about we go out to some fancy restaurant for a ‘Zemo is Dead’ celebration? I will even pay,” Sam says. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“I have somewhere else to be,” Bucky says. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>And for the first time in three years, Bucky knows the one place he needs to go. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p><hr/>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>The townhouse is rather unassuming at first. The shrubs in the yard are perfectly trimmed, and somebody has planted a rose garden. All the curtains are drawn, and Bucky almost turns back down the cobblestone path. But he can’t. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Bucky knocks on the oak door, shifting his feet until he hears the latch click and the heavy wood swing back. Then, he looks up. 
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“Hey, Steve.”</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, a few things. Part 2 will hopefully be out within the next two weeks, and then Part 3 (which is for all you romantics) will be out sometime after that. I just wanted to get this out since it’s been sitting on my computer for over six months.  

 

</p>
<p>Also, just as an aside, I’m like 99% sure that Steve’s going to die within the first episode of FATWS, but we’re ignoring that. 

 

</p>
<p>Lastly, this thing is massive. If you spot a spelling/grammar error, just (politely) let me know so I can fix it. :) :) :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Part II: A Long Road Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hey, Buck. Do you… do you want a cup of tea or something?” Steve asks. 
</p>
<p>Bucky is frozen for a moment. It’s the first time he’s seen Steve, any Steve, in three years. Steve may be older, but in some ways he’s still the boy that Bucky fell in love with. His jaw, his freckles, are just as Bucky remembers. 
</p>
<p>“Yea. That would be...good.” 
</p>
<p>Steve opens the door, gesturing for him to come inside. Bucky hesitantly steps through, suddenly concerned with whether he’s supposed to take his shoes off or whether he should have brought a housewarming gift. Which sounds stupid because god knows how long Steve’s lived here. 
</p>
<p>“The kitchen is right through here. Watch your step.” 
</p>
<p>Bucky tries not to look at Steve’ house too closely. He has hardwood floors and a wide set of windows that overlook a spacious backyard. Everything is calm and peaceful. But all Bucky can think about is if this is the house where Steve and Peggy raised their children. Is this the place Steve asked her to marry him? 
</p>
<p>“I can get you some chamomile or green tea. I think I still have some Alpine mix too.” 
</p>
<p>“What’s the difference?”
</p>
<p>Steve laughs. “Don’t worry about it. We’ll just keep it simple.”
</p>
<p>They sit in an awkward silence while Steve boils some water, and Bucky regrets ever coming here. Fifteen minutes later, Steve hands him a cup of tea and directs him to the dining room table. 
	</p>
<p>“It’s really good to see you Buck. Really good.” 
	</p>
<p>Bucky nods. He doesn’t know how to start. He didn’t come here to yell or scream, but after three years there’s so much shit he has to get off his chest.
</p>
<p>“How have you been? Sam told me about all the stuff with the Forgotten.”
</p>
<p>Something inside of him snaps. He and Steve haven’t seen each other in three fucking years, and Steve wants to talk about some random fucking terrorist that Bucky shot in the head. Aren’t they supposed to be best friends? Shouldn’t best friends be more concerned when someone goes radio silent? Shouldn’t that be Steve’s first priority?
</p>
<p>“I was so fucking angry when you left. You don’t know what that felt like.”
</p>
<p>Steve grips his cup a little harder, but Bucky keeps going. He can’t stop now that he’s started. 
</p>
<p>“You just left me here. You said until the end of the line, and then one day you just up and fucking left. And I didn’t get it because I fucking lo-...For me it was only a few seconds, and everything I knew changed.” 
</p>
<p>Bucky sighs. He can feel Steve’s ceramic mug cracking in his hands, and he doesn’t want to spill tea everywhere. This dining room table probably has some sentimental value, and he doesn’t want to ruin Peggy Carter's furniture. He relaxes his fingers and refocuses on Steve. 
</p>
<p>“I think I get why you did it now. It’s only been three years, but I’m just so fucking tired. I thought there was supposed to be more to life than this. And the one thing I wanted, I can’t have. It just feels like this will be an endless cycle of war and violence.” 
</p>
<p>Steve stirs his tea for a moment, carefully watching him. Bucky doesn’t know what more he can say before he starts spilling his guts. 
</p>
<p>“Fighting isn’t the only option, Buck. You can always retire, take a step back and live your life. You’ve sacrificed a lot for this world, and you don’t need to let it destroy you.”
</p>
<p>Bucky smirks. “Who do you know that successfully retired? Banner thinks he’s retired, but he’s been unofficially organizing missions for a group of overeager teenagers. I’ve even heard rumors that Clint’s been spotted in Ecuador. The only reason you’re retired is that you’d probably break a hip trying to punch someone.” 
</p>
<p>When Steve laughs, for a moment, Bucky feels like everything is as it should be. The loneliness melts away, and it’s just the two of them laughing together like nothing’s wrong. For the first time, Bucky feels like everything is where it should be. 
</p>
<p>“You could always...go back,” Steve says, circling the rim of his mug with his thumb.
</p>
<p>“Back? To the forties? Didn’t Sam tell you? We destroyed Stark’s time machine, and everything to do with it.”
</p>
<p>“Sam says you’re living in Wakanda. I’m sure Shuri would build you one if you asked politely.” 
</p>
<p>Of fucking course Captain America is a tattle tale. 
</p>
<p>“Well, it’s not like there’s anything left for me back there.”
</p>
<p>He doesn’t mean for it to sound so accusing, but Steve’s not an idiot, and Bucky can’t help it. What would it even look like for him in 1949? Steve would be getting married to Peggy, probably thinking about starting a family. What would Bucky do? Buy the house next door and pop over for Sunday dinners just to have a few hours to spend with the man who doesn’t know how much Bucky loves him. 
</p>
<p>“Buck...there’s so much I want to tell you. And I know that you’re hurting, and you don’t have any reason to believe me when I tell you that there is so much for you wherever you go.”
</p>
<p>The sad thing is that Bucky believes him. Because it’s Steve. Maybe he’s put Bucky through hell for three years, but his willpower is weak. Steve could ask him anything, and Bucky would probably do it if it meant that Steve was looking at him the way he was now - fully focused like Bucky was the only thing he cared about. 
</p>
<p>“Where would you go...if you were me?”
</p>
<p>“I think you really would have liked 1952.”
</p><hr/>
<p>“I don’t think I heard you correctly. Did you say you want me to build a time machine? That thing that we’re not supposed to build and will probably cause another galactic war if we do? That’s what you want me to build?” Shuri scowls. 
</p>
<p>“Yes.”
</p>
<p>“I am not some sort of technology genie. I cannot just flop my hands around on a keyboard and procure whatever item your heart has dreamt up this week.” 
</p>
<p>“I know. I realize it’s going to take a lot of time and research.”
</p>
<p>“Oh? Thank you so much for considering my time when you signed me up for this project. It’s good to know you were thinking about someone other than yourself.”
</p>
<p>Her mouth is twisted into a frown, but Bucky’s not fooled. Shuri’s intrigued. He knows she is. 
</p>
<p>“Come on, Shuri. I saw you peeking at Stark’s machine before Banner blew it up. Don’t you want to know how it works?”
</p>
<p>Shuri scoffs. “I know how it works. Mostly, anyways. The Pym particles are the hard part. I could synthesize them myself, but the project timeline would increase.”
</p>
<p>“I could retrieve a sample for you.”
</p>
<p>Bucky is good at breaking and entering. He knows that Lang still has the particles in an underground safe that he seems to believe is impenetrable. Bucky is up to a challenge. 
</p>
<p>“Mhm. Then I’d need to clear out one of the testing rooms for experimental design - I can’t have my idiot brother stumbling across it. Then, I’d need to build off of Stark’s preliminary design to shrink the machine down for a more personalized use. .” 
</p>
<p>Bucky smiles. She’s pacing through the empty lab, grabbing for a few of her notebooks. 
</p>
<p>“I assume you want to travel to the same dimension as Captain Rogers.”
</p>
<p>“Is that even possible? I didn’t catch all of Banner’s science talk, but Steve’s already lived through his dimension and returned.”
</p>
<p>Shuri taps her pen against the table, and Bucky ducks his head. It would be stupid, for him to come all this way only to realize he could be returning to a dimension where there is no Steve. Maybe in one of the fourteen billion other timelines Steve chose to stay here, and all Bucky would be doing is returning to another dimension without him. 
</p>
<p>“Sergeant Barnes, Dr. Banner and Mr. Stark created a brilliant device at the known bounds of physics. The fact that they were even able to create such a thing with  limited resources in a broken world is a feat unto itself.” 
</p>
<p>“I’m hoping there’s a ‘but’ in here somewhere.”
</p>
<p>“But it was also a machine created under wartime duress. There was no time for in depth scientific exploration or analysis. I can assure you, Sergeant Barnes, that the mechanisms behind time travel are more complex and interconnected than our human brains can probably ever understand.”
</p>
<p>“So that’s a yes.”
</p>
<p>“That’s a yes.”
</p>
<p>Hope is a dangerous feeling; one that can be so easily crushed under the foot of reality. But Bucky can’t help it. He’s hopeful.
</p><hr/>
<p>Every couple of months, a local school will ask Sam to come in and talk to their kids about some sappy topic that Bucky never remembers. Today, they’re at a school in northern New Jersey, and Sam is currently trying to teach some martial arts to a bunch of overactive middle schoolers. Sam always asks Bucky to come with him, but Bucky learned a while ago that those kids are here to see the man holding the shield. And he doesn’t mind - he doesn’t know how to handle large groups of children. 
</p>
<p>So, Bucky settles for sitting in the background, watching the kids fawn over Captain America. The kids are just starting to dissolve into another fit of giggles when Sharon returns holding two cups of coffee. She hands one to Bucky and sits on the grass next to him. 
</p>
<p>“When are you leaving?” Sharon asks. 
</p>
<p>Bucky raises his head. He could pretend that she’s talking about the next mission or his flight back to Wakanda. But Bucky’s not stupid and niether is Sharon.
</p>
<p>“How did you know?” 
</p>
<p>“I’ve worked at S.H.I.E.L.D a long time, with a lot of good people. But, at some point, you can see it in their eyes that they have to move on or the job will eat them up alive.” 
</p>
<p>Bucky nods. It’s nice to not have to explain himself to Sharon. It’s going to be bad enough when he tells Sam. 
</p>
<p>“I’ll probably leave in a couple of months if I’m lucky. I still have a few things to work out.” 
</p>
<p>“Where are you heading?”
</p>
<p>“Probably Brooklyn, I assume. Maybe just a few decades back.” 
</p>
<p>Sharon nods. Bucky swears he sees her smile, but it’s too quick to tell. 
</p>
<p>“Does Sam know you’re in love with <em>him</em>?” 
</p>
<p>Two years ago Bucky would have dug his foot into the ground and shamefully denied knowing what Sharon was talking about. But now, it’s been three years, and Bucky’s tired of pretending. That’s what supposed to be so great about this century anyways. 
	</p>
<p>“No.”
	</p>
<p>“You should tell him.” 
	</p>
<p>“It’s not going to change anything. He doesn’t need to know that I can’t move on from the guy who left me to go get married in another dimension.”
	</p>
<p>“Change is always hardest for those who get left behind. It’s always better if you can ease the burden.” 
	</p>
<p>Bucky nods. He will have to tell Sam eventually. He doesn’t want to be like Steve, suddenly dropping the ball without any warning. However, some part of him knows that he’s exactly like Steve. He’s going to sit Sam down one day and tell him that he’s never coming back. It’s a sort of cruel hypocrisy that Bucky can’t ignore. 
	</p>
<p>Sam isn’t Bucky though. He has friends and family away from this chaos and destruction. He didn’t skip forward sixty years, losing the only world he’s known. Sam has a support system, and while Bucky’s been lucky enough to be his friend, Bucky is not Sam’s lifeline. 
	</p>
<p>“Fury’s started talking about the mysterious space army again. I don’t want to leave Sam without someone to watch his back.”
	</p>
<p>“There’s a slew of those young kids that would kill to fight with him. I’m sure he’ll find someone.”
	</p>
<p>“Or you could do it.” 
	</p>
<p>Sharon laughs. “Me? I don’t know the first thing about being a superhero.”
	</p>
<p>“It’s not that hard. You already have the whole fighting aliens thing down. You just need somebody to design you a fancy suit.”
	</p>
<p>“Sure.”
	</p>
<p>“Shuri would do it if you let her. She’s been itching for a new project.”
	</p>
<p>Sharon shrugs. “Shuri has enough superheros running around begging her for help. Besides, you’re not the only one who’s getting too old for this.”
	</p>
<p>“You’re leaving S.H.I.E.L.D?”
	</p>
<p>“No. I know too much to go back to a civilian life. Besides, the boredom would kill me before the paranoia. But those desk jobs aren’t looking too shabby now.” 
	</p>
<p>Bucky doesn’t know if he can imagine Sharon behind a desk all day. But he also knows that the senior task force leader brought her flowers last week, and Sharon’s still keeping them on her desk even though the leaves are starting to droop. They all deserve a little peace.
	</p>
<p>“You’ll be playing the 1950’s domestic husband, and I’ll be a secretary,” Sharon laughs. 
	</p>
<p>“Sounds pretty nice to me.”
	</p>
<p>“Yea, it does.” 
</p><hr/>
<p>To Bucky’s great disappointment, Scott Lang is not an idiot. He had originally hoped that Hank Pym would be willing to give Shuri a few particles, scientist to scientist. However, the old man had told Shuri that any project with Pym particles needed to be sent to him directly. Somehow, Bucky didn’t imagine ‘sending a super soldier back in time so he could profess his love to Captain America’ would be deemed a worthwhile project. 
</p>
<p>So, Bucky had stalked Lang for three weeks, learning all the passcodes and blindspots in Pym’s security system. Then, he conducted a (mostly) successful heist. He’d managed to transfer three particles into Shuri’s specially designed case before anyone realized he was in the building. Sadly, Lang had gotten a good shot at his leg as he was running out and some insect out of Jurassic Park had chewed off one of Bucky’s metal fingers. The only consolation was hearing Lang scream as Bucky’s severed finger continued to wiggle on the ground.
</p><hr/>
<p>He tries to tell Sam. More than once. Shuri says they still have another three months before the machine is complete, and Bucky wants Sam to know what’s coming. But every time he looks Sam in the eye, ready to spill his guts, the words die on his tongue. The timing is always wrong. He knows the timing is always going to be wrong, so he should just get over it. But Sam deserves some decent explanation, and Bucky wants to get it right. 
</p>
<p>Some part of him knows that this is what Steve must have been feeling. And it would just be easier to wait until the day before he plans to go and drop a bomb. But Bucky isn’t going to do that. 
</p>
<p>Bucky spends a lot of nights thinking about how he can justify what he’s about to do. He could just come out and tell Sam that he’s in love with Steve, and that he knows something is waiting for him in 1952. But that sounds insane even to him. 
</p>
<p> He thinks Sam will understand his desire to just stop fighting the most. 
</p><hr/>
<p>“I hope you both remember Gabriella. She’s going to be taking over the team. It’s...time for me to step down and move on to something else. But we managed to do some really good work together. And unfortunately, soon, we’re going to all need each other more than ever,” Sharon smiles. 
</p>
<p>Sharon stays for a while to discuss all the logistics of working with a new person. Sam still isn't fully on board with being some sort of S.H.I.E.L.D contractor, and without Sharon they won’t collaborate nearly as much, but they also need allies. No point in alienating people who are just trying to do good. Sharon catches his eye at some point and winks. She seems happier, and Bucky wants to bet it has something to do with the outline of a ring he sees through her shirt. 
</p>
<p>After a few hours she gives them both a hug and a reminder not to be strangers. As soon as she steps out the door, Sam turns to him and raises his eyebrows. 
</p>
<p>“Damn, I didn’t even know Sharon was thinking about retiring,” Sam says. 
</p>
<p>Bucky shrugs. He should say something, but Sharon’s private life is her business. He’s sure that Sam will be freaking over the moon when they inevitably get a wedding invitation. 
</p>
<p>“I’m starting to feel really old, man. There are so many new superheroes I can’t keep track of their names anymore. They were still in highschool - maybe even middle school - when all that Thanos shit went down,” Sam groans, reaching for a beer. 
</p>
<p>“You feel old?”
</p>
<p>“Oh, excuse me. I forgot I was in a room with the world’s best preserved fossil.” 
</p>
<p>Bucky laughs. “You looking to hang up the shield?” 
</p>
<p>“Nah. I think I still got a few good years left in me. You might be old as shit, but I am not. No matter what those little superpowered teenage freaks say.”
</p>
<p>It’s the perfect moment for Bucky to tell Sam that he doesn’t share the sentiment. He doesn’t have years left to keep fighting. According to Shuri’s calendar, which is never wrong, he has about 42 days before he’s done fighting. Forever. 
</p>
<p> He’s about to tell Sam. He has a whole speech prepared and everything. But then Sam flips on a Star Wars movie and settles back into the couch. He’s completely relaxed, and Bucky can’t bear to shatter the bubble. Maybe he’s just like Steve after all. 
</p><hr/>
<p>Against his better judgement, Bucky goes to see Steve again...and again. He’s not filled with a deep seated rage towards his former best friend and can sit at Steve’s dining room table without breaking his mugs. They actually just sit and talk about stupid shit, and it’s the lightest Bucky’s felt in years. 
</p>
<p>“Shuri is building a time machine,” Bucky blurts out as Steve’s talking about baseball games. 
</p>
<p>The corner of Steve’s mouth twitches like he’s suppressing a smile. Bucky takes that as a good sign. 
</p>
<p>“I don’t know if it is even going to work, but I thought you should know.” 
</p>
<p>Steve’s not even trying to hide his smile now. He wants to tell Bucky something, he can tell. But Steve keeps his mouth shut, slowly swirling his spoon in tea that was cold thirty minutes ago. 
</p>
<p>These days, Bucky’s running on a stream of unchecked hope. Every time New Steve smiles when Bucky talks about his plan, Bucky becomes more and more worked up. Sometimes he can’t even sleep at night because all he can think about is that he’s on the cusp of something he doesn’t dare to imagine. 
</p>
<p>Sure, New Steve’s never outright said that when Bucky goes back that they’re going to fall into each other’s arms. But that’s what it has to mean, right? Steve wouldn’t encourage him to leave this dimension just to have his best friend back? New Steve had said it himself; there was so much there for him. Bucky really fucking needed ‘so much’ to be Steve’s unconditional love and devotion.
</p>
<p>Bucky stops himself just short of latching onto any concrete ideas. If Steve just wants him back to be his best friend who he sees for dinner on a weekly basis, Bucky will be fine. He thinks so anyways. 
</p>
<p>Because this is about a lot more than just Steve. Steve is a nice bonus, and maybe even his first priority. But Bucky can’t lie and say the idea of returning to the time he remembers, surrounded by the buildings and people that Hydra failed to pry from his mind, doesn’t call to him. There is so much to appreciate about the modern world, but it’s not his home. 
</p>
<p>Mostly, Bucky wants to feel like he knows what’s coming next. There are no surprises in the past. He knows every alien invasion, every superhero that might commit a crime, and every threat. Even better, he knows that he doesn’t have to be the one to stop them. The world won’t end if he spends his evenings reading a book instead of diligently tracking a suspect in the scope of his sniper. 
</p>
<p>That’s what Bucky wants most of all. And he’s so close. 
</p><hr/>
<p> Karma is a fucking bitch. 
</p>
<p>Bucky and Sam are camped out at a S.H.I.E.L.D outpost, working with Carol Danvers to try and figure out what space aliens are feeling like attacking earth today. Well, it’s more complicated than that, but Bucky’s drawn the line at going to space. He will be keeping his two damn feet on this planet. So Bucky and Sam volunteered to help keep communications open on earth. It’s a boring job for the most part since Danvers has been taking the lead - they’re just there to give the illusion of backup. 
</p>
<p> As far as S.H.I.E.L.D facilities go, this one is nice. It has a bunch of wide open windows that look over the forest and an ungodly amount of beanbags. Probably not the most practical location for stealth but great for binging television. 
</p>
<p>Bucky and Sam are halfway through Jurassic Park when one of the young S.H.I.E.L.D agents interrupts them. 
</p>
<p>“Sergeant Barnes sir, there is...err...Mr. Lang wants to see you. He’s rather -”
</p>
<p>Suddenly, there’s loud shouting. Bucky and Sam are off the beanbags and hustling down the stairs. Scott Lang is arguing with several S.H.I.E.L.D agents, waving around a small paper bag. Sam looks just as confused as Bucky as to what Scott is doing here. 
</p>
<p>“Listen, I get it, I found your super secret base. I just want to talk to him, okay-”
</p>
<p>“Scott! What are you doing here, man?” Sam asks. 
</p>
<p>In that moment, Bucky realizes the powder keg is about to explode. Scott turns to Bucky and tosses the bag at him. He barely manages to catch it, and it only takes a second to realize what’s inside. Scott clenches his jaw, clearly trying to avoid punching Bucky in the face. 
</p>
<p>“You lost something while you were busy fucking <em>robbing</em> us! You’re lucky Hank Pym believes Shuri only has the best intentions or I would have flown to Wakanda to beat your ass  myself.”
</p>
<p>Bucky forces himself not to cower away - guilty men shouldn’t cower. But he can’t make eye contact with anyone in the room. Especially not Sam. God, fuck, Sam. 
</p>
<p>“This is a one time thing, Barnes. I know everybody thinks you’re the shit because you ride around with all the different incarnations of Captain America, but I’m pretty sure you’re just an ass. And if I find out this is a regular thing, I promise Zemo’s old cell is waiting for you. ”
</p>
<p>Scott subtly flips him off and storms out the door before the any more S.H.I.E.L.D agents come downstairs. A couple of them follow him outside, but Scott shrugs them off. Bucky can feel everyone’s eyes on him, and he knows this is somehow only going to get worse. 
</p>
<p>“It’s fine guys. Just a misunderstanding over some suit prototypes. You know how scientists are,” Bucky assures. 
</p>
<p>Nobody in the room looks convinced, but Bucky doubts any of them are going to argue with him. He doesn’t want to sound narcissistic, but accusing someone who helped defeat Thanos of a crime is not in S.H.I.E.L.D’s interest. However, Shuri’s going to kill him. 
</p>
<p>Sam pats him on the back, too rough to be friendly. “Let’s all just resume our work and leave the mad scientists to it, huh?” 
</p>
<p>The agents don’t really want to leave - Bucky sees it in their eyes - but nobody is going to argue with Sam. They all slink back to their posts, and Sam herds Bucky to an empty supply closet. Bucky wonders if he could get out this mess if he just downed some of the floor cleaner. That would cause a scene. 
</p>
<p>“What’s in the bag, Barnes?” 
</p>
<p>“Nothing, I told you-”
</p>
<p>Sam snatches it from his hand. He delicately unfolds the top and peers down. It’s almost comical once Sam realizes he’s looking at one of Bucky’s limbs and frantically tosses the bag back at him. Almost. 
</p>
<p>“Is that your <em>finger</em>?”
</p>
<p>“Yea...uhh...one of Scott’s ants kind of bit it off.”
</p>
<p>Sam’s horror slowly melts into anger. His jaw tightens, and he scoffs as he looks around. God, Bucky is a coward. No great meaningful speech is going to solve this now. He thinks he might be even worse than Steve. At least Steve had the guts to tell him in person, not through some proxy. 
</p>
<p>“So, you actually robbed Hank Pym’s lab?”
</p>
<p>“I can explain.”
</p>
<p>“We don’t steal from our allies Buck. I shouldn’t have to explain that to you. What the fuck did you want so desperately?”
</p>
<p>Bucky takes a deep breath. “Pym particles. Three of them to be exact.”
</p>
<p>Sam’s eyes widen, and somehow he looks even angrier. 
</p>
<p>“Pym particles? Bucky, that’s not just some suit or a really fancy gun. Those are unstable, extremely powerful, and really fucking dangerous in the wrong hands. What would you want with them?” 
</p>
<p>“When Steve left, I was dealing with a lot of emotions I didn’t want to talk about. I was so angry with him, and-”
</p>
<p>“Bucky, I don’t want some rambling story with a deep metaphor. Just tell me why the fuck did you do it?”
</p>
<p>“I’m in love with Steve.” 
</p>
<p>That seems to stop Sam’s anger in its track. His face gets softer and all his attention is focused on Bucky. Bucky’s not ashamed anymore, and all the pent up happiness he’s been storing starts to pour out. Maybe going back will be a huge fucking shitshow, but Bucky’s willing to risk it. 
</p>
<p>“I’ve probably been in love with him for my whole life. And so...I stole three Pym particles because Shuri is building a time machine to send me back to 1952.”
</p>
<p>Sam’s mouth is hanging open. Bucky feels another tsunami of emotions flooding over, and he needs to get it all out before Sam starts asking any questions. He won’t be able to say this again. 
</p>
<p>“I should have told you as soon as I started thinking about it. Zemo is gone, and I finally feel like I did some good in this world with you and Sharon. My job here is done. You’re a good leader, and all those young kids are going to follow you. I...need to do something for myself. Just like Steve.” 
</p>
<p>“He...never said anything.”
</p>
<p>“I know it sounds insane, but I’ve been alive and fighting for so long, Sam. And I just want some peace. In the past, I don’t have to fight the next Thanos because someone else already did.”
</p>
<p>“So, you’re going back to 1952….And you and Steve are going to...you know. Get it on.”
</p>
<p>“I don’t know. I never told him. I never told anyone actually.”
</p>
<p>Sam looks horrified. “You’re just going to time travel and drop that on him?”
</p>
<p>“I...yea. I guess so.” 
</p>
<p>“And if he isn’t in love with you? What is your plan then?” 
</p>
<p>“To live.”
</p>
<p>Sam is pacing, looking increasingly erratic as more time goes on. He’s mumbling something, but Bucky stays quiet. He’s said his peace, and Sam deserves some space. 
</p>
<p>“What the hell am I going to do without you, man?” 
</p>
<p>Bucky smiles. “Come on. You’ve got an entire generation of superpowered teens who want to be just like you. I’m getting old, and I think it’s time you take one of them under your wing. Literally.”
</p>
<p>Sam laughs, and Bucky feels any tension fading. Sam doesn’t look like Bucky’s wrecked his whole life or that he’s going to spend the next two years angry and resentful. He looks sad, but in a way that tells Bucky he’s also happy for him. 
</p>
<p>“Shit, you and Steve. That’s wild.”
</p>
<p>It’s bittersweet. Bucky can see now the end of his time with Sam, and he’s going to really fucking miss him. Sam was there for him when Bucky needed him, and it seems kind of twisted that Bucky has to give up his most valued friendship to get the life he wants. Even with all the modern technology, nobody has found a way to give him an interdimensional cellphone. 
</p>
<p>“I don’t even know if it’ll work yet. Shuri says it’ll be ready in a few weeks, but that’s just for the prototype, and she still needs to make sure I won’t explode.”
</p>
<p>“It’s Shuri. She’ll figure it out.”
</p>
<p>Bucky knows that too. He almost thinks it’s scarier knowing it’s going to happen, whether or not he’s ready for it. Or if Steve is ready for it. 
</p>
<p>“Yea, she will.” 

</p><hr/>
<p>“I am confident this is the final iteration. I solved the arm detachment issue, and my preliminary tests on robotic dummies indicate I’ve located the correct dimension. Or...really it’s more like multiple dimensions since I have to slingshot you off...well, it doesn’t matter to you. The point is I think that we will be ready to go next week.”
</p>
<p>Bucky stares at the technology in front of him. The whole thing couldn’t be bigger than an oversized refrigerator with a glistening silver platform surrounded by several purple orbs. The suit stands upright in the center, beckoning to him. This is it. He’s actually going to do this. 
</p>
<p>“I believe you understand this isn’t a vacation, so you can’t take any suitcases. But I was able to subdivide the third pym particle to create a specialized duffle bag that can shrink down items to allow for more storage. Obviously, don’t bring anything with an internet connection, and all items will need to be sanitized to prevent the introduction of invasive organisms.”
</p>
<p>Bucky breathes in. What if Steve doesn’t want to see him? What if he and Peggy are married with children, and Bucky ends up just as alone as before? He told himself he was going back for him, not Steve; even though his brain was scrambled eggs for a while, he’s never felt quite right here. He needs the simplicity of his life before, the comfort of being back in the time he grew up in. But some part of him knows it won’t be enough unless Steve is there with him. 
</p>
<p>“Did you hear me?”
</p>
<p>Bucky blushes under Shuri’s tiny frown and redirects his attention. He’s going through with this. He didn’t ask Shuri to build a time machine for nothing; he is not going to give up after all this. 
</p>
<p>“Sorry.”
</p>
<p>“I said that you should be here next Friday at noon with everything you want from this time period. Please don’t be late. My brother is starting to get suspicious, and it’s dangerous when he has independent thoughts.”
</p>
<p>Bucky nods. He doesn’t even know what he wants from this dimension. A flat screen would be amazing, but somehow he doesn’t think he would be able to operate it in 1952. Books would be good too. There’s a lot of those that Bucky doesn’t want to wait another fifty years to read, but he doesn’t want to try to cram a hundred books into his bag. 
</p>
<p>He wonders if he should bring anything for Steve. 
</p><hr/>
<p>Sam insists on throwing him a retirement party. He invites all of the SHIELD agents and any of the Avengers they worked with over the years. Lang declines to come for obvious reasons, but Bucky’s glad that everyone else seems to have made it. The official story is that Bucky’s retiring deep within the Wakandan countryside, completely out of range of any communication devices. Banner jokes with him that there’s no such thing as retirement, and Rhodey wishes him well on his quest for peace and quiet. 
</p>
<p>Bucky would be lying if he said it didn’t make him sad to see all the people he’s leaving behind. But as he’s watching them, he realizes he’s leaving them in good hands. Banner got married six months ago to a superpowered chemist named Brenda, and Shannon is busy showing off her fiance, Evan, to everyone who will listen. Bucky likes the guy; he’s quiet but kind, and Bucky’s seen him clear out a Hydra den at a truly impressive rate. He doesn’t feel like he’s leaving his friends without support. They’ve all moved on, and now it’s his turn. 
</p>
<p>“I told Lang this was probably the last opportunity he would have to give you a black eye. I’m surprised he didn’t show up.” 
</p>
<p>“His ego’s just bruised. Don’t worry, once I’m gone, I’m sure he’ll be desperate to follow you around.”
</p>
<p>He expects Sam to laugh, or at the very least scoff at his shitty joke. When he doesn’t, Bucky turns to find Sam staring at him, giving him a sad smile. 
</p>
<p>“I am really going to miss you, man,” Sam says.
</p>
<p>“Me too.” 
</p>
<p>Sam pat him on the shoulder, and Bucky smiles. 
</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div><p>Sharon finds him after most of the guests have gone home or passed out on the couch. Bucky is nursing a bottle of whiskey on the balcony, tucked away from his snoring friends. 
</p>
<p>“When is the wedding?” Bucky asks. 
</p>
<p>“Next spring. He wants to get married when all the flowers are blooming.”
</p>
<p>“I’m sorry I won’t be there.”
</p>
<p>“That’s alright. You’ll be there in spirit. Besides, you’ll be busy living out your own great love story.”
</p>
<p>Bucky’s heart twinges. He looks over where Sam is laughing with T’Challa and Banner. Sam keeps teasing him about how he’s about to ‘corrupt the all American hero,’ but Bucky somehow feels like he’s on the verge of losing everything. Right now, he’s in a purgatory where he can imagine he’s about to have everything he’s ever wanted without facing the negative possibilities. 
</p>
<p>“What if he doesn’t love me back? Jesus, what if I go through all this shit and he...New Steve is all fucking vague about it. I told myself this was for me, but what if it’s really all about him?” 
	</p>
<p>“That’s alright,” Sharon smiles. 
	</p>
<p>“It’s pathetic.”
	</p>
<p>“No it’s not. Being some strong independent superhero is overrated. You’re allowed to need someone else, to want someone else to love and care about you. Maybe...maybe your whole life shouldn’t revolve around Steve. But it’s okay to love him as much as you do.” 
	</p>
<p>“Sharon, I swear if I find him with Peggy Carter, I’m going to punch his fucking face.”
</p>
<p>Sharon laughs, and then Bucky laughs too. There’s still a heavy weight in his stomach, but he refuses to focus on it. Whatever happens, he can deal with it. He can. He dealt with Steve leaving (even if his solution is just to follow Steve again), and he can deal with this. 
</p>
<p>“I brought you something for your journey. ”
</p>
<p>Sharon hands him a small rectangular package, carefully wrapped in brown paper. His name is written in bold sloppy letters. Bucky rips at the paper and finds himself looking at some sort of electronic tablet. 
</p>
<p>“It’s an all in one media device. I tried to put as many movies, books, you know, on it as I could. You’re going to miss color television, and I know you love record players, but you’ve become accustomed to a different type of quality. It’s solar powered, so you don’t have to worry about finding batteries and all that.”
</p>
<p>Bucky smiles. “I was worried I’d never finish the last season of The Office.” 
</p>
<p>“I couldn’t let that happen.” 
</p>
<p>Bucky sets the tablet on his lap and looks out at the room. Sam and Gabriella are standing near the chocolate fountain, dipping in as many strawberries as they can. 
</p>
<p>“They’re going to make such cute babies,” Sharon says as Sam brushes Gabriella’s elbow. 
</p>
<p>“Shit, they really are. They’ll probably take over SHIELD too. Beautiful and brilliant.” 
</p>
<p>They both laugh. Sam would kill them if he saw them giggling like teenagers. He’s oddly fixated on proving he and Gabriella are nothing more than friends, but everyone around him knows better. Bucky wishes he could be there when Sam finally confesses his undying love; it’ll be romantic as hell. 
</p>
<p>“You’re going to look out for him, right? Make sure he doesn’t do anything dumb.” 
</p>
<p>“Of course. I’ve even found your replacement already. His name is Thomas, and he can shoot lightning bolts from his hands. So, you’re old news, pal.” 
</p>
<p>“Good.” 
</p>
<p>“Don’t worry, James. We’re okay here. I promise.” 
</p>
<p>It’s true, and Bucky knows it. They’re going to be okay. Everyone is going to be okay. 
</p><hr/>
<p>Bucky wonders if he’s going to miss 2026. He wonders if he’s been so set on returning to the past that he’s started to have unrealistic expectations. A million things could go wrong in the past. He won’t be able to see any of his old friends or his family. Going back to them would feel like lying; he’s not the man they remember or even the one who they grew up with. He’s basically starting over without any guarantee it’ll be okay. 
</p>
<p>But he will have Steve. And maybe it’s naive, but he thinks that’s all he’s ever really needed. They had each other when they were kids, when they were living in a shitty apartment, and even when the the fucking world was ending. Bucky thinks that’s just the way it’s supposed to be. He doesn’t think he can bare to think anything else. 
 </p><hr/>
<p>The last mission he goes on with Sam is a joke. They both know there’s no reason they need to dispatch freaking Captain America to deal with some low level weapons dealers. But Gabriella gives in when Sam won’t stop bothering her. 
</p>
<p>Now, Bucky is stuck in the back of a van freezing his ass off while he watches what might be the dumbest criminals ever. These idiots are loading a batch of glowing weapons into a stolen vehicle in broad daylight. Bucky almost doesn’t want to arrest them; it’s too easy. 
</p>
<p>“It’s your last mission, Barnes. You should do the honors.” 
</p>
<p>Sam hands him a pair of handcuffs as they step out of the vehicle. The weapons dealers don’t even notice them. God, they’re so fucking dumb. 
</p>
<p>“Maybe we should let them start driving. At least a car chase might be a bit of a challenge.” 
</p>
<p>Bucky cuffs one of them before they’ve even been spotted, and Sam drops out of the sky to knock out two more. The fourth man tries to run, but he has a limp and Bucky does even have to run to catch him. He throws all four of them in the van for good measure, and the whole thing is over in ten minutes. 
</p>
<p>The most interesting thing they get to do is wait for S.H.I.E.L.D to send a bomb squad to remove the weapons. One of the morons had accidentally punctured an energy tube, which was leaking all over the floor of the van. Bucky hopes it explodes. Not really. Maybe. 
</p>
<p>“This is the exciting life you’re giving up. You’re really sure about this, Barnes?” 
</p>
<p>It’s the first time Sam has ever questioned him. It doesn’t sound accusing or mean, but the concern is clear in Sam’s eyes. Bucky tilts his head. He doesn’t know how to explain it to Sam without sounding like something out of a sappy novella. 
</p>
<p>“I’m sure. Sometimes you just know.” 
</p><hr/>
<p>“If you end up lurking around this dimension, I expect you to say hello.”
</p>
<p>“I will.”
</p><hr/>
<p>Friday. 
</p>
<p>Noon. 
</p>
<p>“If you don’t want to be sick, keep your chin up and stay focused on one point. Try not to wiggle too much either. You might explode,” Shuri says. 
</p>
<p>The suit is sleek and silver, but surprisingly hard to move in. He could shrink it down into a small square plate once he reached 1952, but for now he’s tightly wedged between layers of vibranium. His belongings have been shrunk down and stuffed into a bag on his back.  
</p>
<p>“I wrote a list of things you are not allowed to do if you want to preserve this timeline as much as possible. You’re inevitably going to cause some disruption, and this whole thing is probably unethical, but this will keep the impact minimal.” 
</p>
<p>Sharon and Sam are standing near the door. They’ve already said their goodbyes, but they wanted to be here. He’s glad. Sharon is proud, and Sam looks more apprehensive, but he’d told Bucky he was making the right choice. There’s a drop in his stomach, but it’s not from fear. 
</p>
<p>Shuri taps him on the shoulder, and Bucky turns to face her. She grabs his wrist, and he feels something click into the suit. 
</p>
<p>“That is your ‘return home’ button. If it’s not what you need, you can come back here five minutes from now. After that, I’m going to melt down the parts and pretend this never happened.” 
</p>
<p>He’s not going to use it, but he appreciates the thought. 
</p>
<p>“Thanks.”
</p>
<p>Shuri returns to the command hub in the corner. As she’s making the final arrangements, Bucky turns back to his friends. 
</p>
<p>“I’m really going to miss you guys. And hopefully we’ll get to meet again before I kick the bucket. But, if not, you both made this century worth living.” 
</p>
<p>A few tears roll down Sharon’s cheeks, but she wipes them away and keeps smiling. Sam places a comforting hand on her shoulder and locks eyes with Bucky. 
</p>
<p>“Tell Steve I look much better in the suit. The ladies are grateful to finally have something worth ogling over.” 
</p>
<p>“Will do.” 
</p>
<p>Bucky relaxes his arms and centers himself on the platform. Shuri’s left hand is on the control panel, and Bucky knows it’s time. He nods at her, and presses the button to seal off the room. Then, she holds up her fingers. 
“Initiating the portal sequence. 5….4….3….2….1.”
</p>
<p>
  <em>Darkness. </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope that you are okay with my lax time travel dynamics; I don't have a detailed mechanism laid out, but I feel it's reasonable to assume there could be more to the story. Sadly, the next chapter is going to be a while. Life and all that. But I promise, I will include as much fluff as possible! Stucky endgame is coming!!!!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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